When you have a family as elaborate and attractive as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie‘s, it’s important to keep them surrounded at all times with the best help that money can buy. Which is why I’m not surprised that Brangelina is currently traveling with a retinue of twelve nannies for their six kids. I’m actually shocked it’s not twenty.
Think about it. You start with a baseline of one nanny. Plus Brad and Angie, that comes out to an average of two kids per one adult. But that’s for regular people, and they’re super famous, so let’s start out by multiplying by three, which is a conservative estimate of how much more famous they are than the average bear. Three times more. So we’re at three nannies now, two kids per nanny and Brangelina can lounge on the beach with nary a care.
Now, bear in mind that the whole family is in Turks and Caicos for Christmas. That’s gonna be five extra nannies, one because we’re leaving the country, and four to be in charge of all the presents. This is a family of eight people, remember, so each present-nanny is in charge of the gifts for two people. Again, very conservative and we’re up to eight nannies.
We have to add another nanny again based on the location. The family is staying at Donna Karan’s house, so this nanny was hired specifically for her fashion sense. So every time Donna (or DKNY, to her friends) comes walking by, they can swap her out for the main nanny so they have someone wearing all the trendiest labels and they don’t have to be embarrassed. Normally this would be Angelina’s job, but they’re on vacation, so cut her a break, okay? We’re up to nine nannies.
Now we have to add one more as a mediating nanny, because half of the Jolie-Pitt kids are boys – Maddox, Pax, and Knox, and half of them are girls – Zahara, Shiloh, and Vivienne. This nanny is there to make sure that all kids get along even though boys are stinky and girls are the worst. Also half of the kids have an ‘X’ on the end of their names and half of them don’t, which is an even bigger deal, but this nanny can handle both. I hope. Ten nannies.
And finally, Knox and Vivienne are twins, and no one could ever understand that bond unless they’d experienced it themselves, so the final caretakers are a set of twin nannies hired exclusively to tend to the twin babies.
And there you have it. Twelve nannies. Now doesn’t that just make sense?