While you and your family were gathered around a roaring fire sipping hot toddies and opening presents, and while me and my Oregon gays were gathered around a table of Chinese entrees drinking whiskey-nogs and watching America’s Funniest Home Videos, Honey Boo Boo was having herself a very different sort of Christmas.
What kind of Christmas, you ask? Well don’t be ridiculous. A redneck Christmas, of course. What else were you expecting a former Toddlers and Tiaras star and a current Here Comes Honey Boo Boo star. We’ve got the photos of little Alana Thompson’s house in all of its decorated glory and my oh my is it…overwhelming. This is a full orgy of electricity, and they have it blazing even before the sun goes down, because of course they do. I’m seeing an inflatable snowman, and inflatable reindeer, inflatable candy canes, light-up Santas, dozens of light-up candy canes stuck in the ground, light-up wreaths, hundreds of feet of sparkly lights…and of course, everyone’s favorite decoration, a whole roll of caution tape.
What an extravaganza of excess, but at least it does celebrate the three wonders of Christmas — no, not family, cheer, and generosity — holiday inflatables, fire hazards, and oversaturation. Sigh. Don’t you love this season? Conspicuously absent from the glorious spectacle was the wee baby Jesus. I’m guessing that by the time the Thompson family got to Wal-Mart, all the blow up doll wise men were already sold out, so they had to go with Christmas tractors instead. Ah well, maybe next year our little lord and savior will get to celebrate his big day in Honey Boo Boo glory. But until then, be careful when you run your hair dryers, because if this house is on your power grid, you are skatin’ on thin ice.
(Images: Josiah True/WENN.com / Pacific Coast News)