I guess Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore really did have an official union and are not just Kabbalah spirit animals, because after a year of doing nothing but hot younger chicks Ashton has finally served Demi with divorce papers.
I think Ashton’s timing is impeccable: he courteously waited until three days before the second biggest Single Sad Town holiday of the year (New Year’s Eve is the winner there), but didn’t wait long enough to catch her in the middle of another full-steam-ahead meltdown. Good job, bro!
Kutcher and Moore broke up over a year ago when they announced they were splitting after a six-year marriage after a stripper came forward with a tawdry story of her night of passion with Kutcher. “As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life,” Moore said at the time.
She then proceeded to handle the dissolution of her marriage like most middle-aged divorcees, by doing “whip-its” and donning the best clubbing clothes Wet Seal has to offer. Ashton handled it by man-handling Mila Kunis, his old That 70′s Show love interest who was fresh from a break-up with Macaulay Culkin. Still following? No? Well all you really need to know is that Mila Kunis is completely out of both of their leagues.
Kutcher hired some annoying celebrity divorce attorney, who also represents Kim Kardashian so that tells me he’s taking this very seriously. Because when you’re 26 years old and you marry someone old enough to be your mom, you probably already take life pretty seriously.
Ashton Kutcher has been filed under “I Don’t Get It” (along with John Mayer) for me, so I honestly can’t say I understand any of this six-degrees-of-douchbaggetry. I don’t think he’s hot, I don’t think he’s charming, and if it weren’t for a somewhat redeeming appearance on Real Time With Bill Maher a few years back, I’d probably think he was a complete fucking idiot.
I predict breaking news of a nice holiday stay at the Cirque Lodge for “exhaustion” from the Demi camp any day now.