In a shocking display of self control, Lindsay Lohan reportedly refused to kiss Charlie Sheen in a scene in Scary Movie 5 because of his wild past. Apparently it wasn’t enough that they each signed a contract saying that they didn’t have cold sores. Lindsay still didn’t want to give Charlie the three kisses the script called for because she didn’t trust where his mouth had been. Instead, they ended up using a body double for Lindsay in some shots and tried to write the kisses out of the script. How… Parent Trap-innocent of you, Lindsay.
Lest we forget the history of these star-crossed cross-eyed non-lovers, Charlie recently bailed LiLo out of $100,000 in tax debt because they had gotten so close on the set of Scary Movie 5. But I guess LiLo’s kisses can’t be bought.
There aren’t specific details as to what exactly Lindsay was afraid of. Maybe it was fear of Charlie’s tiger blood mixing with her regular-person blood. Maybe it was his proclivity for hanging with adult-film actresses. Maybe it was good ole fashioned fear of beard burn. Or maybe Lindsay thought “Sheen” referred to something on Charlie’s mouth. Whatever it was, LiLo is just saying “no.” For once.
I know what you guys are thinking because I’m thinking it too. Why is LiLo, of all people, afraid of what’s going on in and around Charlie Sheen’s mouth? I mean, if we were going to pick a mouth to detain for questioning and biohazard testing, we would pick hers. I agree with all of this. But we must give credit where credit is due.
So, I guess, good for you, Lindsay. You know that your life has been careening out of control, and here you are putting your foot down and telling the world you have standards. Now, mind you, this little display of self-control is akin to tacking a Diet Coke on to a long order at McDonalds. But a step is a step.
But before we call the convent and order you a room, let’s be realistic. It’s the holidays. There’s a lot of kissing to be done. So a word of advice. Alcohol is a disinfectant. So next time you’re asked to kiss someone you don’t feel comfortable kissing, get your hands on a bottle of vodka and wipe down your mouth and his before going in. I mean, I’m just saying. Play to your strengths.