Olivia Culpo won Miss Universe 2012 last night. But that moment didn’t come close to all the WTF moments I witnessed throughout the show.
I was supposed to choose 5 WTF moments from the 2012 Miss Universe pageant last night, but that number quickly grew to 11. I couldn’t help it. I could have chosen more, trust me. Surprisingly, not a single moment on this list came from Giuliana Rancic, who hosted alongside Andy Cohen. She was actually a little less bizarre than usual, aside from the way she said “Venezzzzwella!” I’m home for the holidays, so my family was forced to suffer through the awkward Christmas-themed show with me. Sorry, guys. Without further ado, here are the 13 moments that made us say “WTF,” complete with screencaps.
1. Donald Trump dressed as Santa.
The first disturbing moment came early, when Donald Trump appeared in a Santa Suit to introduce the program. This came after a creepy woman’s voice told us a Christmas-themed story about how Santa is about to bring one very pretty lady a special gift. Think the Desperate Housewives narrator crossed with one of those awfully awkward Victoria’s Secret holiday commercials. And then Donald Trump showed up as Santa. Uh…
2. The shameless product placement.
This was only the first of many examples. Giuliana Rancic talked about the show’s sponsoring products while contestants rubbed themselves with sunscreen, shampooed their hair, got their makeup done, stared at diamonds, and generally frolicked around Vegas. Oh, also, Donald Trump owns things!!! Lots of things!!!
3. Weird stats that appeared next to the contestants as they were introduced.
Remember the 2008 Olympics, when Michael Phelps was all shiny and new and he hadn’t been overshadowed by the Fierce Five yet? And they had all those TV segments that showed 360-degree shots of his body with stats on his height, giant hands and feet, and weird torso-to-leg ratio? This was kind of like that, only we learned how tall the contestants are and some cute facts about them. My stepmom’s personal favorite was Miss Russia, who collects Teddy Bears and wants to be a helicopter pilot.
4. The really awkward dancing segments.
Before each commercial break, we saw some more contestant frolicking, including some really, really awkward shots of the women dancing. They’re having so much fun!! Is it just me, or does this contestant look like she’s a little too happy?
5. A dog for a judge.
Ok, I don’t think the dog actually got a vote, but he’s probably just as qualified to be a judge as Real Housewives of Beverly Hills‘s Lisa Vanderpump. Looks like Andy Cohen found a way to work some self-promotion into this hosting gig. Everybody else was selling something, so I say more power to you, Andy.
6. And an Iron Chef.
… to judge the contestants’ execution and presentation. Ooh, cooking show joke!
7. The really awful dancing at the start of the swimsuit competition.
It. Was. So. Bad. Like they were pretending to be mermaids but instead they looked like dead fish.
8. The close-up ab shots.
I mean, I know these women are parading around in bikinis. But really? Did we really need a close-up on every single woman’s abs/crotch?
9. When the contestants had to act like backup dancers for Train.
I may be biased, because I absolutely cannot stand Train. But the women were supposed to be walking around in their evening gowns and instead they were making awkward arm gestures and fake smiles and pretending to like the terrible music.
10. Miss USA’s gown was awful.
What is that?
11. Snowman hats.
Presented without comment.
And in case you were wondering, despite the awful dress, Miss USA Olivia Culpo took home the Miss Universe crown.
… but she tried to walk away without it. Go USA?