Sensing general despair over the state of humanity lately, Courtney Stodden wanted us all to have “some Christmas cheer” and shared a very naked, very pink Santa-themed photo shoot with E! and the rest of the world today. This began a very frightening train of thought for me where I wondered if there is or ever will be a place or time where Courtney Stodden would ever wear real clothes?
And then it hit me: I’d probably have to become a Doomsday enthusiast if I ever saw Courtney Stodden fully clothed. Since this has not happened that I know of, I can’t resign myself to preparing for the world’s end tomorrow.
Think about it. Would she wear appropriate attire to a funeral? Probably not. Wedding Crashers taught us that death is “nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac.” On a plane? Doubtful. Drawing attention to yourself on an airplane is probably the least difficult thing to do, ever. Why waste such an opportunity by wearing a hoodie and sweatpants? Courtney knows better than that. Weddings are out too. Girls today treat a wedding reception like a Wet Seal fashion show these days anyhow, so I can only imagine the ways Courtney Stodden could upstage not just the bride but every single guest as well.
While the Mayan calendar believers are out buying end-of-times supplies like Bush’s baked beans and Crystal Light mix, I’ll be at home with a glass of wine and Kevin McCallister OnDemand.