As Long As Courtney Stodden Is Inappropriately Naked, The World Isn’t Ending

muay thai in america 021212

Sensing general despair over the state of humanity lately, Courtney Stodden wanted us all to have “some Christmas cheer” and shared a very naked, very pink Santa-themed photo shoot with E! and the rest of the world today.  This began a very frightening train of thought for me where I wondered if there is or ever will be a place or time where Courtney Stodden would ever wear real clothes?

And then it hit me: I’d probably have to become a Doomsday enthusiast if I ever saw Courtney Stodden fully clothed.  Since this has not happened that I know of, I can’t resign myself to preparing for the world’s end tomorrow.

Think about it.  Would she wear appropriate attire to a funeral?  Probably not.  Wedding Crashers taught us that death is “nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac.”  On a plane?  Doubtful.  Drawing attention to yourself on an airplane is probably the least difficult thing to do, ever.  Why waste such an opportunity by wearing a hoodie and sweatpants?  Courtney knows better than that.  Weddings are out too.  Girls today treat a wedding reception like a Wet Seal fashion show these days anyhow, so I can only imagine the ways Courtney Stodden could upstage not just the bride but every single guest as well.

While the Mayan calendar believers are out buying end-of-times supplies like Bush’s baked beans and Crystal Light mix, I’ll be at home with a glass of wine and Kevin McCallister OnDemand.

(Photo: WENN)

You can reach this post's author, Cassandra Hough, on twitter.
Share This Post: