I Wish Amish Mafia Could Have Splurged On Better Actors

Amish Mafia Lebanon Levi

Is this show for real? There’s no way, right? The entire concept of an Amish Mafia is so unbelievably over the top that I honestly cannot take it seriously. First of all, it’s getting increasingly ridiculous that all these people would allow themselves to be filmed while doing illegal things.

Sure I’ve personally never been in a mafia (Amish or otherwise), but I’m pretty sure secrecy’s a big deal. Maybe even the biggest deal. And I’m not talking about when one of the guys covers up the camera lens and is like “don’t film this.” I’m talking about an organization so secret that it would never, ever allow cameras to come near it. Let alone come near the Abandoned Barn of Bad Behavior.

But okay, we’ll go with it and we’ll pretend that all these people are just big-hearted Amish folk who want to protect their community. Fine.

The episode kicks off with an English man pretending to be an Amish man with a fruit stand. Are you with me here? Fake man sells real fruit! Scan-da-lous!

Apparently “fake Amish man with profitable fruit stand” ranks very highly on the list of priorities for this mafia. So they drive over there and teach him a lesson he’ll never forget. The lesson? We don’t know, the camera went black as the car drove straight toward his stand. But we do know from the wordless narrator that the English man never sold fruit in Lancaster again.

Next up barn fights. They’re like normal fights, except they’re in a barn and they bore me. Let’s never speak of their boringness again.

Finally, we get to the climax of the episode. Think Pimp My Ride meets Breaking Amish and you have the annual (bi-annual? weekly? daily) Amish Buggy Off.

It’s just as stupid as it sounds.

The men in town pimp their buggies out and Levi awards the most pimped-out buggy a cash prize. Why? Why not?

Merlin, Levi’s arch-rival who’s actually pretending his name’s Merlin, shows up with a buggy that has an engine. Some might call that a car, but Merlin calls it a prize-winning buggy. Mostly because this show’s intent on being absolutely ridiculous at all times..

Despite having a buggy with an engine and four wheels (A CAR!), Merlin does not win. He drives off in a huff. But like a lame huff, because he’s not paid enough for this acting gig.

Ugh, this show…not sure how many more episodes I’ll last.

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    • Hotrod1962

      Until Levi actually whacks somebody, stuffs the body in the trunk of his Caddy, cuts the body into pieces and bury the pieces at several places….then he can actually call this group a “mafia”.

    • D.Wright

      it is so bad – it’s good. Maybe it’s my sense of humor, but i find it to be a hilarious train wreck. I’m hooked on the ridiculousness.

      • nthisrain

        Yes, anything for good entertainment. Don’t worry about your drop in intelligence!

    • Ed
    • Matt

      Merlin looks like McLovin from Superbad

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/JT-Hunt/100003546556549 JT Hunt

        I am peeing my pants from laughing so hard

    • Kevin

      I agree with Danny- you’re an idiot. Merlin had a horse drawn buggy- not a car!! He was mad because he didn’t win because it WAS A CAR JACKASS!!! Watch the show & get your info straight before you try to bash it!!!! As I said before- you are an idiot. Don’t write about something before you research it first. It might help your rep in future writing, if this doesn’t kill you. Haha! Stupid. Just plain stupid.

    • woody zipper

      Merlin was on millionaire matchmaker and was a homosexual. On the episode

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/JT-Hunt/100003546556549 JT Hunt

        Ha! really?

    • dawiz


      • http://www.facebook.com/people/JT-Hunt/100003546556549 JT Hunt

        hello merlin miller how is mansfield these days

    • nthisrain

      The intent of Amish Mafia and the other, Breaking Amish, isn’t just about fictionalized so-called entertainment. It’s an attempt at mockery of the Amish lifestyle and, although it won’t work, to try and tear apart/corrupt the Amish ‘structure’ and their beliefs.

      Ultimately, reality TV is about the ‘bigger picture’ of destroying unique cultures, societies and even intelligent, free thought here in the United States. I hope this show isn’t renewed.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/JT-Hunt/100003546556549 JT Hunt

        there are real Amish who break away and there is an Amish Mafia.

    • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.storm.568 Thomas Storm

      Anyone want to know Levis business info? I was born in lancaster county. I lived in the town levie lives in. He lives in lebanon county but drives over 1 hour to run the mafia. Bull shit. on the 9th they will show him burning down a trailer. I know this in advance because he bought the trailer, asked the fire company who he is a officer of, if they want to do some traning. now this all takes place in Lancaster county but the fire company and trailer are located in Lebanon county. search http://www.zoominfo.com/#!search/profile/person?personId=598403929&targetid=profile, you be the judge. C&L roofing.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/JT-Hunt/100003546556549 JT Hunt

        it’s cool.

    • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.storm.568 Thomas Storm

      John that who I will bet any money it will be Johns trailer that gets burned for defying Levi.

    • Jerry

      I love this show!
      Alvin looks like jay cutler! Hilarious!

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/JT-Hunt/100003546556549 JT Hunt

        oh dear… I thought so too…

    • TheBibleIsMagic

      Even though this show is completely ridiculous we are still siting here talking about it, maybe the producers at discovery are actually geniuses! This show is pure entertainment! I find myself laughing at its absurdity over and over……..I think my favorite is probably Merlin and his many half retarded parables and that one of his right hand men is an Amish dwarf……that has to be purely for ratings right?! Nice job discovery lol

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/JT-Hunt/100003546556549 JT Hunt

        broke ratings

    • Lyns

      They said they are allowed to do something that Amish people cant because they aren’t baptized. So they can do everything.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/JT-Hunt/100003546556549 JT Hunt


    • Lyns

      They said they are allowed to do something that Amish people cant because they aren’t baptized. So they can do everything.

    • http://www.facebook.com/chuck.reppe1 Chuck Reppe

      These guy’s are suppose to be tough? These are the weakest clowns I have ever seen.

    • fiftyfifty

      The hot rod was levis cousins dip. not merlins. *gasp* an Amish mafia? That can’t be real. that would be like the u.s ran by a black pres. advocating for the broke fu$jw of the country pfffffft………..wait…….

    • fiftyfifty

      And to the fool talking about the law…..the producers are protected by freedom of press. they need not say sh!t to anyone.

    • no

      dude, you’re retarded.

      how high were you when watching the show? i mean i can see most of your points, but you undermine it with you making a shitty observation the dude had a car. he had a fucking horse and a carriage.

    • mtnbike2

      you fat Levi! ease up on the carbs,son