Good morning, Twilight fans! Perhaps you, like me, would like to wake up to a charming drug possession story about your favorite cast of vampires! Well you’re in luck because a young member of the Wolf Pack by the name of Bronson Pelletier was just charged with possession of cocaine and meth! That’s right, meth! Bronson was arrested for public intoxication on December 8th when he refused to leave some place called Gym Bar in West Hollywood, but the cops found the drugs in a search. And then a little over a week later, on December 17th, he continued his classy streak by being removed from a plane for another count of public intoxication, and then drunkenly urinating in public, for which he was arrested (again). Because if there’s one thing they say about airports, it’s that they don’t have any bathrooms…
While obviously there was no preventing this situation for this guy — his parents named him Bronson, so they had to know this was gonna happen — but not all celebrities have to go down the same path. There’s still time for Bronson’s costars like Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson to save themselves from the same fate, as long as they put their mind to it and start early. So we’ve helpfully compiled a list of Ten Holiday Travel Tips For The Twilight Actor Who Doesn’t Want To Get Busted For Meth:
- Wear shoes that are easy to take on and off.
- Don’t carry meth on you.
- Bring a neck pillow for the flight.
- When pre-gaming for your flight, stop while you can still stand up.
- Don’t break the seal.
- Fly with a friend. Might I suggest Taylor Lautner? He is big and strong and can take alcoholic beverages away from you by force.
- Strap on a catheter bag.
- …just make sure it’s empty at boarding, otherwise the liquids won’t be allowed on the plane.
- Do all your cocaine beforehand. Cuts of jet lag at the source.
- Don’t be a goddamn idiot.
Get it? Got it? Good. Just think of the example you’re setting for Renesme. And with a name like that, don’t you think she’s suffered enough?