The one-hour polygamy special My Three Wives proved to be another phenomenal glimpse into the world of people you never knew existed. The kind of people who would marry twin sisters and their non-twin cousin. Yes, just like Sister Wives, we’re getting a peek at a family who wants you to know they’re just like you! Just with more wives! And more kids! And more religious belief that only get mentioned briefly, but sound a lot more interesting than anecdotes about how great their lives are together.
So spoiler alert, the family featured in My Three Wives probably isn’t like your family. Unless your aunt’s also your other mom. Then, great news for you, your family was on TV last night!
First we meet Joe Darger, the patriarch of this massive family. He’s married to Vicki, Alina and Val. Vicki and Val are identical twin sisters and Alina is their cousin. Mostly because this is TLC and they strive to find news ways to astound you in every single show they produce. Of course they’re not just sisters and of course they’re not just twins. They have to be identical twins. Because why not take it to the next level? Why not find a man who married identical twin sisters? It wouldn’t be TLC if every single moment didn’t have you running to your computer to check up on the legality of a situation.
Between the three wives, they have 24 children. When the kids are little, they prefer to raise the ones who came out of their uterus. But as soon as they’re older, it’s all like “whatever, I’ll raise whichever ones I want.”
But you probably don’t really care about the kids. That’s boring. TLC knows this. That’s why the majority of the show focuses on their sex life. How does it work? Simple. Joe just rotates nights between his wives’ beds. Duh. Polygamy 101 here people.
When the family’s not talking about their sex lives and they’re not talking about how normal and natural it is that Joe married identical twin sisters, they’re talking about Amanda.
Ugh, where do I start with the heathen daughter who goes by the name Amanda. First of all, she went off to college. So gross. Second of all, she returned for her father’s birthday engaged to a guy from an extremely conservative polygamist background. We’re talking long dresses, long underwear and long hair. Joe’s all like “they come from really different backgrounds and they’re really young, so this probably won’t work.” Then the family plans the wedding at their house. Because the best way to celebrate your daughter’s marriage to a man she barely knows who comes from an extremely conservative background is to throw her a party.
During the wedding, Joe casually throws it out there that he likes his daughters to be prude. Like so prude that they probably don’t even really kiss. Then we’re back to the wedding. Well the cameras are back to the wedding (and the producers are back to trying to get Amanda to be on Virgin Diaries), but I’m still stuck on that one line.
What?! This one small throwaway line deserves at least a few minutes of conversation. Or at least some speculation. Could Joe Darger be a secret Duggar? His name does start with a J and his last name essentially has all the same letters. So maybe.
And then the show wraps up with a nice little lecture on how their kids could taken away if they ever get exposed for being polygamists. Obviously the only way to stop this from happening is by exposing themselves as a polygamist family. Mission accomplished, possibly. Possibly not. Good luck Darger family.