Coming out to your family can be hard to do, especially when they fail to pick up on the intense clues you are dropping them in the form of a sequined jacket and kicky little beret. Luckily, you may now outsource that task to several supportive celebrities for the low, low price of $131.80.
Last night, the Conan O’Brien show made the following, very decent proposal: for just $99.95, Andy Richter will come over and out you to your whole family. For an extra $19.95, you can get Deon Cole, too, who will tell them, “if any of you motherfuckers give him any shit about it, I will come back here and fuck your shit up.” For an extra $9.95, the basic cable band will come sing a song about it (whatevs), but the true value comes with the chance to pay $1.95 more and get George fucking Takei to come congratulate you on “your newfound identity” and welcome you to “the wonderful world of gay,” as well as reiterating Cole’s admonishment. Hooray!
Sure, your family might be surprised, but they’ll be so stoked about meeting Captain Sulu that they’re bound to take it well. It’s enough to make me want to pretend come out just so I can bring this wonderful man home with me for the holidays.