I’m offended by the Kardashian family every single day of the week. Every last one of them — Kris, Kruce, Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Krob, Kendall, Kylie, Krott, Kason and Kenelope — manages to put my blood pressure at dangerously high levels. Well, not all of them. Kenelope’s done nothing to offend me, yet. However I’m sure a spin-off about her’s on the way. Then I will therefore have to klump her in with the rest of of them.
And let me say that as America’s leading celebrity journalist and finalist for Forbes 30 Random People who are Employed Under 30, it takes a lot to offend me. I’ve watched multiple interviews with Dina Lohan without vomiting. Or protesting self-tanner companies.
Yet, like I said earlier in this very expose, the Kardashian family offends me on a daily basis just by their mere existence as celebrities. Sure some days they do even more to upset me, like let their teenage daughter model provocatively or turn their daughter’s sex tape into an incredibly successful TV show that allowed the entire family to launch spin-offs, business and marriages based on one grainy video.
But most days it’s just they exist and they make headlines and they force me to write about them when they release their annual Kardashian family Christmas card — which wasn’t even a thing until a couple years ago.
No other celebrity family turns their Christmas card into some kind of publicity bonanza. Nor does any other family flagrantly flaunt their disregard for the world’s most established fashion rule: NO WHITE AFTER LABOR DAY!
Except for the Kardashians. What’s next, huh? WHAT’S NEXT?
Open-toed shoes with stockings?? Navy blue and black in the same outfit?? Old Navy American Flag T-shirts in the winter?? God only knows what these people have up their winter-white sleeves.
Just kidding God doesn’t know, he takes no part in these shenanigans.