If you’re the kind of girl who’s sick of clear-skinned celebrities hawking Proactiv, yet frustrated with your own ability to keep your face blemish free then there’s only one solution for you: THE FRENCH REVOLUTION!
While I don’t think we should view the upcoming musical-thriller Les Miserables as any kind of historical documentary, I think it’s fair to apply the label docudrama to it. These are the kind of re-enactions that you only see going down on Discovery ID during all-day Sunday marathons. Truly I’m blown away by how well these actors recreated the French Revolution with so much authenticity and so much attention to detail. Who knew that prisoners in that day had such beautiful voices! I could listen to Hugh Jackman croon about his wayward history all the livelong day.
But Hugh Jackman’s voice isn’t even the most impressive part of Les Miserables. No, the most impressive part is that everyone looked absolutely fab-u-lous. Like are you fighting against a tyrannical monarchy or are you prepping for the red carpet? The men, the women, the children — everyone glowed like a pregnant celebrity who’s a day away from giving birth.
Let’s start with Anne Hathaway playing Fantine. Ever since the movie started shooting, we’ve been subjected to stories about her losing insane amounts of weight through a diet that’s so horrible that it makes a juice cleanse sound fun. But tell you what, she still looked gorgeous and beautiful. Even as she lay dying in that hospital bed, surrounded by the spirit of her daughter Cosette, she looked great. Better than me on my best day.
Next we have Hugh Jackman playing the heroic Jean Valjean. The man walks through literal shit in the movie and pulls it off beautifully. Seriously, scenes like that usually disgust me. But for the first time ever, I’m like wow, shit, not the worst beauty regimen I’ve ever seen. The man’s spent his entire life running from the police and he’s in phenomenal shape. If this doesn’t inspire a new workout routine called “French Revolution Hide n’ Seek (the tummy bulge)” I’ll be shocked.
Ah, who’s next? Could it be the lovely Samantha Barks who plays the beautiful prostitute Eponine. Her family’s a mess. They’re also low-level criminals. If this movie got remade as a modern-day film, a therapist would surely sing a lovely rendition of “Eponine, I hope I take your insurance because you’re in need of a good cry!” But nonetheless, she looked amazing. Sure her hair could have used a nice brushing, but other than that, I’d copy her look any day of the week. Dare I say she looked radiant as she sang “On My Own” in the rain.
Of course, we can’t talk about Eponine without bringing up Marius, played by Eddie Redmayne. One he’s hot in real life. Like 2012 real life. So if you’re following the pattern here, you can only imagine how much hotter he looks in revolutionary France. Despite being in the presence of danger and cannons and tyranny, he looks flawless. Like maybe he has a little bit of dirt on his face at one point, but can’t we all say that at some point during the typical work day?
Last but not least, we have Amanda Seyfried who plays Cosette. As the human embodiment of the porcelain doll your parents never allowed you to play with (even though some idiot relative thought it was an appropriate gift for a second-grader), she certainly glows the most in the movie. I think she actually walks around with a halo. I think, don’t take my word for that.
So I guess in conclusion, we need to bottle up some of this French Revolutionary magic into some kind of night cream. Maybe even day cream. Clearly it brings out the best in people. The absolute best! I’m not usually one to dispense beauty advice, but I can’t pretend that I didn’t discover this amazing solution!
(Main Photo: OnlineTVCast)