Between the sheets gossip…we all do it (okay, most of us), so much so, I wrote a song about it.
My latest music video, Bad Sex, not-so-subtly breaks down the many ways that someone can be bad in bed, inspired by the stories of so many girlfriends (told over margaritas, of course.)
Of course, celebs are no different – and many have spilled the beans on their own less-than-enjoyable sexual escapades… to the press, nonetheless.
You’ll have to watch the video to see which allegation ties to which celeb, but for those of you who would rather play the guessing game, here are my top five fave complaints against A-listers (viewer be warned — these alleged bad sex statements are nothing short of nasty):
1. Selfish Sex Machine
This good looking Hollywood bad boy’s got an amazing body and an accent to boot, but apparently, he’s not much of a giver when it comes to bedtime antics. He likes it quick and clinical, according to a past squeeze.
2. One Minute Ride
This celeb’s a legend when it comes to the ladies; rumor has it, he’s been with thousands (and lost count years ago). According to two recent girlfriends, however, sex is infrequent and lasted “less than a minute.” Maybe he just exhausted his mojo over the years?
3. Puny Package
Which singer was accused of having a tiny package, by another singer? Ah c’mon, ladies, haven’t we learned that it’s not about size, but how you use it? Sadly for this crooner, his former fiancé just couldn’t seem to make it work.
4. Childish Antics
This rapper’s got a tough exterior, but has a tougher time keeping up the act in the bedroom. According to a former tryst, he’s not only got the package of a child, but he acts like one too.
5. Bizarre Behavior
Not a surprise coming from THIS celebrity, but a former flame contends he’s just downright weird in the bedroom (if you count shouting out catchphrases in Spanish as strange).
So there you have it! Have a wonderful holiday season… and if things get a little wonky between the sheets, just pour yourself an extra glass of spiked eggnog.
If you’re new to this column, welcome! Each week, for 8 weeks, I’m counting down my list of favorite celebrities in all sorts of weird categories to celebrate of the release of my comedy album, On My Face. For more Infamous episodes, click here.
Taryn Southern is an actress, writer, and web star with more than 100 million views on her online videos. She just released her debut comedy album, On My Face, and will be releasing a series of music videos on her channel, which corresponds with the themes of her column on Crushable. You can find her on Twitter and Facebook; she accepts gifts.