Happy 49th Birthday to William Bradley Pitt, or, as you may know him, Brad Pitt. Me personally, I have a more formal relationship with him as a journalist, so I prefer to use his full name. Let’s keep it professional. Well it’s his birthday today, December 18th, and he’s turning the big 4-9, as I mentioned…so he only has one year left before he’s 50. Call me crazy, but I had no idea he was that old. Not that 49 is old, but Angelina Jolie is only 37. For some reason I thought they were the same age. But regardless, it’s clear that time is slipping and ticking and tocking away. It seems like just the other day that young William Bradley was shirtless for Thelma & Louiseor guest-starring on Friends or…you know…married to Jennifer Aniston. How time flies. So we here at Crushable took it upon ourselves to compile a little Bucket List of things to accomplish before year fifty rolls around. We hope you like it, birthday friend:
- Finish your journalism degree at University of Missouri. (Brad left the school two weeks before graduation back in 1986 or so.) How else will you ever get a book published?
- Eighty-six that facial hair. That’s just a personal preference of mine.
- Have a baby with George Clooney already. I’m sure the science exists in secret somewhere, and you’re rich enough, so can you just BUY it already? You guys are too beautiful not to have progeny in this world.
- Make an Ocean’s Fourteen. No wait. Please don’t.
- Get married. We get that you’re waiting for everyone to have equal rights, but your kids are ready and I need something to write about.
- Plant a Tree of Life somewhere. For squirrels to live in.
- Be bad at something. I dare you.
- Have another baby with Angelina. Not because I think you need a larger family, but because I really like the names you choose for your kids and I’d like to see what else you have in your wheelhouse.
- Un-make Troy.
- Try to come up with a sexier moviestar name than ‘Brad Pitt’. This one’s unfair because you absolutely won’t be able to.
So yeah! That should hold you until December 18th, 2013! Have a lovely year!