Did you eat something gross last night and you’ve been wondering all day how to make yourself vom without sticking your finger down your throat? Well then you’re in luck, because we have a freshly-released photo of the 54-year old Madonna graphically making out with her 25-year old dancer boyfriend Brahim Zaibat onstage at her concert last night.
Blegh. Honestly, I’m not exaggerating when I say I’m having an actual physical reaction to these photos. Every time I scroll up and catch a glimpse of one, an almost comical cartoon shudder goes through my body. It’s to the point that it’s literally triggering my gag reflex. I’ve been switching back and forth between this post and .GIFs of Amy Poehler and Tina Fey in the Golden Globes promo just to avoid losing my lunch entirely.
It’s just that there’s so much about these pictures that grosses me out. First of all there’s the vast age difference — 29 years — and the fact that she’s doing this onstage, in front of cameras. Aka her kids can see this. Secondly there’s that big scary vein and that 54-year old hand clutching Brahim’s lithe, youthful, possibly (probably?) gay neck. And the way he has his hand perched on her leg like a big skin-spider? Gahhh. That hand has seen Madge’s vadge, it knows things. Also — THAT IS NOT HOW YOU KISS. Kissing does not mean touching tongues. I mean, sometimes it does, but that’s supposed to take place in the privacy of your own mouths, if at all. What’s taking place in this picture has more in common with mouth-to-mouth-resuscitation than it does with any recognizable act of intimacy. And don’t even get me started on her finger in his mouth and the weird, creepy look on both of their faces as he’s sucking on it. These two are doing things onstage in public that I’d be weirded out to do even in the privacy of my own home…with Steve Buscemi, who is also 55 years old.
(Images: Optic Photos / Pacific Coast News)