As much as I’d love to have to sex with Chris Hemsworth, it’s his younger brother Liam Hemsworth I’d want to marry. Sure he’s not as good-looking and sure he’s not as muscular-looking, but he’s the underdog of the Hemsworth family — and everyone loves a good underdog story.
Also a good rivalry. I truly enjoy pitting people against each other and seeing who comes out on top. I thrive on things like Team Jacob vs. Team Edward, Team Peeta vs Team Gale, Team Suri Cruise vs. Team Kate Middleton Fetus etc. Therefore I created quite the elaborate sibling rivalry in my head between acting brothers Chris and Liam Hemsworth. And like I said before, I placed all my bets on Liam Hemsworth winning in the end. What he would win, I’m not sure. A bonus 4th wedding ceremony with Miley Cyrus, perhaps. Or maybe an additional scene in Catching Fire that lets him french kiss Jennifer Lawrence. I don’t know, something.
But that’s why I’m so upset that he allegedly beat someone up in Philadelphia this past weekend. I rooted for him so hard. I believed that the could make it in Hollywood without any major scandals — and I believed that he could one day surpass his brother Chris Hemsworth in general handsomeness. If you watch Pretty Woman enough times, you learn that nothing’s impossible in Hollywood.
But alas, like all my dreams about celebrities, this one came crashing down on the homepage of TMZ. Naturally they have the video of the entire fight and naturally you can’t make heads or tails of it. The only thing that I can confirm after watching it is that human beings (as well as a few cars) are featured on camera. Who those human beings are and what they’re doing is up for debate.
It all went down early Sunday morning in Philly — sources on the scene tell TMZ, Liam had just left a bar when he confronted a guy he thought had thrown a rock at him and his friend. In the video, the punchee is on the ground clinging to Liam’s leg … until Liam plows a fist into his face, and pushes his head down toward the asphalt. Liam’s friend helped hold the guy down. Cops quickly arrived and dispersed the crowd, but made no arrests. Liam took off with his friend.
Regardless of the fact that I can’t figure out the video, I’m scared that I may now have to switch over to Team Chris. And while it pains me to leave Liam when I know he’s in need of my undying loyalty and support — I can’t fantasize about men who plow fists into face. Ugh, Liam. Why have you forsaken me and forced me to leave your side. Now I’m forced to spend the rest of my day googling Thor fan art. Great, awesome. Way to go Liam…NOT!