I’m not saying this is a real theory, but if it turns out to be right, Justin Bieber and I are gonna rub it in all your faces. Two men were arrested late last month for plotting to strangle and castrate both Justin and his bodyguard, and based on some of the weird, wacky details, I’m starting to wonder if Biebs is living in a giant game of Clue or a Quentin Tarantinomovie or something.
The men arrested were Mark Staake, 41, and his nephew Tanner Ruane, 23, and they were accused of plotting to kidnap and murder four people, including Justin. But the first odd thing is, this whole thing wasn’t their plan. They were acting on behalf of someone named Dana Martin, an inmate currently serving two live sentences for rape and murder. This guy Dana is apparently obsessed with Bieber — he has a tattoo on his leg of the popstar’s face. The plan was that the two hitmen would strangle the targets with a paisley tie, which Dana Martin considers his calling card. Very odd. Very Tarantino. They were supposed to make their move at one of Justin’s Madison Square Garden concerts on November 27th or 28th, but Dana Martin seems to have changed his mind last-minute, because he turned his own murder goons in to the police. Staake was arrested in Vermont, and Ruane was arrested later in New York after making phone calls to Martin saying he was ”disappointed he couldn’t carry out the murders”. What a fitting word — ‘disappointed’. Like you couldn’t go to your niece’s birthday party, or your dog pooped on the rug, or you couldn’t commit four murders spanning two states.
Making the plot even that much weirder, Martin had apparently placed a separate bounty of $2,500 on each of Justin’s testicles. Well, Justin, maybe you’ll appreciate them more now that you know what they’re worth…to a convicted criminal with your face tattooed on his leg. Try to tell me that’s not the creepiest thing ever.
(Image: JLN Photography / WENN.com)