At approximately 9:30 PM tonight Barbara Walters will reveal who made her list of the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2012. While we’re usually biting at the chomp to find out who she’ll pick as the single most fascinating human being alive, this year feels different. Mostly because we finally cracked the code to making her list. So even though we’re still not sure who will get the number one spot, we already know that he or she will be someone who confuses Barbara Walters. Someone she doesn’t get and doesn’t understand and doesn’t ever want to talk to again in her entire life.
While years ago the list appeared to be an actual valid collection of human beings who fascinate us, it’s now devolved into the people who trended the most highly on Twitter. I can almost guarantee that when she’s going over her picks with producers, she has to stop them every five second to ask who they’re talking about.
I’m sure she’s all like, “what did Laurence Olivier do this year? Anything to get him on the list” and they all sigh, roll their eyes and are like, “he’s dead Barb, just like last year.” In an attempt to distract them from naming another dead celebrity, she’ll try to say something hip like, “what about that Jason Beaver kid? Let’s invite him!” An intern will choke down a giggle in the corner and some assistant producer will politely ask, “Do you mean Justin Bieber.” Barbara will look as the producer as if that’s exactly what she said. And the meeting will commence in this fashion.
And that’s how we end up with a list comprised of people who range from semi-fascinating to almost-fascinating to a seven-year-old reality star who has a show that I’m sure Barbara Walters has never seen. She wants so badly to be cool and hip and hashtag-y (someone told her that’s a thing as a joke once and now she clings to it as the “it” adjective of 2012), that she turned her special into a tween sleepover delight.
So far we already know that the following 8 people made the list: Hilary Clinton, Chris Christie, Gabby Douglas, One Direction, Ben Affleck, Seth MacFarlane, EL James and Honey Boo Boo. Sure, sure, sure Hilary Clinton and Chris Christie aren’t fan favorites among the middle school set — but One Direction, Honey Boo Boo, Gabby Douglas. Sure they all fascinate me, but this list reads like it got ripped from the pages of People Magazine. I find it hard to believe that One Direction fascinates Barbara Walters.
But I suppose that’s what will make the interview so wonderful, when she has to act like she cares about them. I eagerly anticipate the moment she brings up Harry Styles’ hair. Almost as much as I look forward to her attempt to speak to Alana Thompson without condescension – a feat so few people have accomplished this year.
So yeah, the big secret to making the #1 spot on Barb’s list of the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2012 is to be someone who not only doesn’t fascinate her, but possibly someone she doesn’t even know. That means it can be anyone from Milania Giudice to the Amish Mafia to Jennifer Aniston’s barren womb. But I guess we’ll have to wait and see when it airs tonight to see who confused her the most this year.
(Photo: Anthony Dixon/WENN.com)