Demi Moore Thinks She’s Aging Backward And I Don’t Know How To Break It To Her That She Isn’t

Someone needs to tell Demi Moore that she is not Benjamin Button. Can you do that for me? Because my eyes are tired of seeing her dress in progressively younger and younger outfits and date younger and younger guys and do crazier and crazier things. We need to put a stop to this.

Demi, 50, flew to Miami for the Art Basel event with Vito Schnabel, 26, whom she’d been dating for a couple weeks prior to the trip. And yup, just in case your math isn’t good, there are in fact twenty-four years separating these two little snugglers. But even though he’s half her age, Vito just broke up with Demi because he felt her behavior was reflecting poorly on him. He’s an art dealer and wanted to be taken seriously in Miami, but he felt he couldn’t do that when Demi was drunkenly partying with celebrities. Soooo Vito has decided he’s all set being single, which is all well and good except that he just unleashed the world’s most fearsome cougar back into the wild. So everyone lock your doors and your windows and your medicine cabinets. And maybe your high school boys’ locker rooms, too, just to be safe. She does seem to be skewing younger in the polls…by which I mean her own polls, that she takes in her head when she asks herself, “Self, what age of person shall I date today?”

She was photographed walking out of Starbucks yesterday in a button-down shirt that took the command ‘button down’ extremely seriously, as her bosoms were almost falling out of it. She was also wearing jean cut-offs short enough that her pockets were poking out the bottom. All in all, she probably had about eight inches of uninterrupted clothing, right in the middle of her body. The rest was just loose pigtails, oversize sunglasses, and gangly, cougar-y 50-year old limbs that think they’re lithe, firm, 16-year old limbs.

I really never thought I’d say this, Demi, but you are making Rumer look goooood right now.


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    • Cee

      She looks like she could be Amnda Bynes’ mum

    • Sally

      No one would talk about this if she were a 50-something man dating a 26-year-old woman, except maybe commenting on how “lucky” the young woman would be to date such a “top star.” Double standards, fucking double standards everywhere! And Demi looks just FINE for her age! Maybe, just maybe, if women in showbiz weren’t constantly scrutinized and youth glorified to the point that women rarely get lead roles in their late 40s anymore unless they look like 20, maybe then Demi would not be scared of ageing.

      • jasonwheeler97

        But that doesn’t negate the fact that Demi is a bit of a nutjob.

    • Ria

      I laughed so hard reading this…the Benjamin Button comment was hilarious! My English mom always called women like Demi “Mutton dressed as lamb”. I have nothing against older women/younger men marriages. I’ve known many successful one’s and have a wonderful marriage myself to a man 15 years my junior, but, I don’t walk around pretending I’m 21 nor does he want me to! My husband’s theory on why Ashton left Demi wasn’t because of the age difference, he said it’s because she’s Bat S#!t crazy!