Good god, Kenya Moore is one ballsy motherfucker. She and the other ladies of The Real Housewives of Atlanta are on a couples trip to Anguilla this week, and she is taking. Some. Liberties. I’m not a shy person, but watching Kenya go about her life legitimately makes me queasy because she crosses so many boundaries. In her own words, “There’s no shame in my game.” Yeah, you can say that again. No shame whatsoever.
Kenya brought her boyfriend Walter with her on the trip, and they weren’t even landed yet by the time she started dropping hints about him proposing. And by hints I mean they started out as blatant suggestions, and ended up as full-out demands, with deadlines included for an added bonus. On the plane to the island, seated next to Walter, she’s exaggeratedly mouthing to the camera, “I wonder if someone will get proposed to on this trip?! Fingers crossed!” And crossing her fingers. Come on, bitch! Are you delusional? And from that moment forward, it is ON. Any moment when it’s the two of them one-on-one, she’s asking when he’s gonna propose, telling him they should elope, or describing her perfect wedding ring. I’m not even dating the girl, and it’s making me so uncomfortable. I don’t understand how and why Walter is still with her. Any time she starts making these noises, he just starts coughing or shaking his head. She got sulky that he hadn’t proposed on the trip, and he pointed out that they still had three more days, so she said she was gonna HOLD HER BREATH for the next three days. Oh god, it hurts. It hurts the precious to watch, but she can’t look away.
And this isn’t Kenya’s only strategy. Interspersed with the desperate pleas for a proposal, she’s elected to be allllll over any other marginally attractive male on the trip. She’s sidling up to some Filipino rando, calling him a tall glass of water, grinding her ass on Peter’s crotch, and getting frisky enough with Apollo that I’m surprised Miss Phaedra Parks hasn’t smacked her upside the head yet. Kenya made it well known in last week’s episode that she finds her fellow Housewife’s husband attractive, but she was really stepping up her game last night on the ‘inappropriate’ front. She was complimenting his body as he walked around shirtless, and even went as far as to push him in the pool. Eeeesh. I don’t know, girl. You’re in front of his wife, all her friends, and your boyfriend who you’re trying to get to propose. Is this really the moment you should choose to have a flirty, splashy water fight? The weirder thing, though, is that Apollo somehow went along with it. I don’t know if he was oblivious or into it, but he picked up a fully-clothed Kenya, threw her over his shoulder, and jumped into the water with her while she squealed in delight. And call me crazy, but when he picked her up there was some rump-touching. Seriously, buddy? You think you’re gonna get away with that? Yeah, Phaedra’s not gonna call anybody out in the middle of stuff, but you are gonna get a serious talking to back at the cabana. If that was my husband, he’d be sleeping on the couch for the night — and NeNe and Cynthia said the same thing.
I thought maybe it was just a fluke thing from Kenya being drunk or something, but the next night, she was right back at it. She put her arms around the couple and asked Phaedra if she were to pick two of her friends for Apollo to have no-strings-attached-birthday-fun-funs with, who would she choose? Kenya! KENYA. What are you doing? You already somehow didn’t get yelled at for your antics the other night…don’t you think you should cut your losses? Just be privately embarrassed that you were all over Apollo and silently vow never to do it again…don’t go up to them and basically remind them that you’re a flirty little shit! This girl. This girl has balls the size of coconuts, and I honestly want to see her brawl with somebody, because I think she’d destroy them and I like to watch.
So far Phaedra seems to be the likeliest contender, as she’s getting more and more surly about Kenya being inappropriate with her man. Although I did glimpse a little Kenya-on-NeNe action in the preview for next week, so I guess it’s anybody’s game. Also bonus points to Phaedra for having the best one-liners of the series, one of which came last night in regards to not going in hot tubs for fear of getting some kind of infection of la vadge:
I don’t mess around when it comes to my honey pot.
Preach, lady. Preach.