Last night was a big night for tattoos, and Joe Jonas was not about to miss out on the action. He posted this photo on his Instagram of his new ink, which is two ropes intertwined on his right forearm. He explains the meaning behind it as, “Two ropes (two parents) make four ends (four brothers)”, which is sweet and all, but I’m a journalist, so I’m gonna ignore the facts and make up my own. And I think Joe’s new tattoo looks like a rope vagina. Call me crazy, but if he’s going with the ‘family’ theme, it still makes sense. Two ropes for two parents, four ends for four brothers, and one vagina for how those four glorious Jonas Brothers came into this world.
It also makes sense because of all that purity ring nonsense. He and his fellow JoBros Nick and Kevin don’t wear them anymore, but theoretically they’re still saving themselves for marriage. (Good job, Kevin! You made it! You’re home free!) So this way, Joe has a vadge right on his arm that he’s free to look at whenever he wants. Anytime he’s feeling the itch to diddle a lady in her lady parts — like his new girlfriend Blanda Eggenschwiler, and YES that’s her real name — he can just pull up his sleeve and take a gander at this fancy new rope clam tattooed indelibly on his skin, and all of the urges will just drift away like smoke on the wind.
Honestly, I’m surprised more people haven’t done this — tattoo a vice of theirs on their arm so they can look down at it when they’re feeling weak and remind themselves not to do it. You could tattoo a bottle of alcohol or a slice of cake or paper bag of huff-able glue. Probably next for Joe I’d recommend a mustache, so he can be reminded not to grow facial hair in the future. But either way, the options are endless. Just look at that little hipster…he’s got things all figured out.