I saw a headline this morning that said Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres might be divorcing, and I still haven’t really recovered. I didn’t even read the article because my spirit was already too crushed. I don’t want to know the details, because that would make it too real. I just want it to remain a fuzzy, mythical rumor so I can remain blissfully ignorant to it and continue believing that Ellen and Portia are still deeply in love and ride giant friendly puppies side-by-side through huge fields of waving poppies that smell like fresh-baked cookies and clean laundry. So many charming celebrity couples have announced their separation this year that I’ve almost lost my faith in traditional celebrity marriage. In addition to maybe Portia and Ellen, we’ve already lost Amy Poehler and Will Arnett and Heidi Klum and Seal. Can’t anyone stay married anymore?
YES. Yes they can! Because here, galloping over the horizon to save conventional marriage, come Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman, who have pledged to work on their marriage. They’re the heroes of marriage we deserve, and the ones we need right now. They’ve been married for thirty years, and when rumors started swirling about their impending divorce, I sat alone in my darkened apartment and nodded to myself because I knew this was the end. If tried-and-true couples like Danny and Rhea couldn’t survive, I knew it was only a matter of time before the soul-snatchers crept in through my windows and took away my hopes and dreams. (On a related note, I’ve been having some pretty creepy dreams lately.) I stopped going to work, showering, and exercising. I didn’t stop eating because if you’re going to be miserable and hopeless, it’s important to also be at least a little chubby. I was pretty sure there was no hope left in the universe.
But suddenly, today, a ray of hope breaks through the clouds — according to Danny, he and Rhea are “working on it”. YES! Yes please! There’s hope for all of us! He goes on to say:
“Rhea and I are really close. Actually, still together, just separate, but together.”
Okay, so I don’t totally get what that means…separate but together. It sounds like the thesis of one of my high school term papers, but I don’t care because at least it’s not a definitive break-up. I’ve had enough sorrow and sadness this year — it’s nice to see a couple putting the work in to keep hope alive in the rest of us. Godspeed, Rhanny DeVerlman.
(Image: Nikki Nelson / WENN.com)