Over the weekend Taylor Swift and Harry Styles got spotted test driving babies at the Central Park Zoo. And last night the two got caught karaoke-ing and holding hands. (Not at the same time of course.) So now it appears inevitable that the two will marry.
I didn’t take an online sex-ed course in 5th grade so I could walk around like an ignorant buffoon 15 years later. This is how relationships work. First comes baby, then comes karaoke, then comes marriage. It’s not rocket science, just god science.
So the problem obviously arises of what to do about Conor Kennedy. Obviously he’ll be invited. Taylor will naturally assume that he’ll sit at table 9 with her ex-lovers and song-subjects. While your first thought might be that he’ll obviously be seated with Ethel Kennedy, your first thought is wrong. As Taylor’s bride, Ethel Kennedy will be sitting right next to her. Forever. Did I mention that Taylor Swift will allegedly duel-marry Harry Styles and Ethel Kennedy? No? Okay, well that’s happening.
Anyway it doesn’t matter where Taylor Swift asks him to sit, because there’s no way he’s coming to the wedding. Maybe if she chose Niall Horan, he’d be a good sport and show up. But Harry Styles? No way, no how. He’s not standing in the same room as that head of hair.
And that’s okay. He’s just a high school kid trying to get through his senior year. The entire staff here at Crushable wants him to know it’s totally fine to skip this hypothetical wedding and go drink some Mike’s Hard Lemonade in a friend’s basement.
This is a judgement free zone. You do you Conor. (But also you should also do a talk with your family and ask them why they’re obsessed with your ex. That special Kennedy Center Award last night seemed a little much.)
(Photo: Pacific Coast News)