It’s hard to believe that last week we actually spent time trying to decide if the rumors about Harry Styles dating Taylor Swift could possibly be true. We (stupidly) assumed that because we know Taylor’s like ‘em young and because we know Harry likes ‘em married, that the lamestream media made up their relationship to distract us from more important issues. Such as the fact they still haven’t uncovered the name of Adele’s baby.
But EPIC TWIST, the pair got spotted this weekend walking around the Central Park Zoo. And once you’re spotted, you’re dating. Oooo baby, you are d-a-t-i-n-g. One day you’re wandering around a zoo together and the next day you’re listening to the co-hosts of Extra giggling as they try to come up with a good nickname. Will it be Tarry? Swiles? Swine Flu? I’m sure they’ll come to a consensus tonight as soon as they finish bringing us insider details from Mario Lopez’s wedding — and which Saved by the Bell castmates got the shaft. (Scanda-not-lous!)
In the meantime, let’s get back to the zoo. They bought it. Just kidding, they’re not Matt Damon. However they did buy a souvenir that’s just as unique and just as time consuming. Yes, they bought a baby. In their defense, it was an accident.
As the story goes, they went over to one of those awesome machines that turns your two quarters and a penny into one flattened penny. Taylor loves those, because eeee, magic! So Harry Styles, being the suave debonair that he is, attempted to get her one flattened penny souvenir. Except Harry Styles, being the Brit that he is, used pounds instead of quarters. (Classic mistake.)
Next thing you know a baby popped out. Two regular people may have tried to return the baby — or at least exchange it for a quality stuffed animal. However Harry and Taylor are far from normal. They’re celebrities and they’re cutting edge and they’re keeping it.
Because why not? It’s the holiday season and babies are the hottest accessory this winter. Besides, of course, a staged relationship. But that’s in season every year!