She’s barely even been on this season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta and I’ve already had more than enough of Kim Zolciak. I’d never seen past seasons of the show, so all I knew about her was that she had a shitty wig and a reputation for drama, and oh my god is she living up to both of those. First of all the wigs are impressively shitty. Like, it’s almost intentional at this point. How are you gonna marry an NFL player, live in a giant mansion, and still walk around wearing a polyester dream ballet of a wig on your head? Get real.
But the sheen of her wigs is nothing compared to the sparkle of her crazybrain. This woman can convince herself of anything. When she waited too long to plan for moving out of her ‘dream house’ and got evicted, she convinced herself that she hated the house, had terrible memories there, and that it was haunted. Yeah okay crazy lady. You’re embarrassed you’re getting kicked out so you’re trying to pretend it’s your idea. I see you. I see you there.
The newest example is this Anguilla couples’ trip that Cynthia Bailey is planning. She asked everybody what their availability was and then scheduled the vacation around those dates. So they’re at lunch trying to slam out the details of it and in the space of like ten minutes, Kim does a complete 180. She starts out the conversation saying that she’s definitely in because her husband Kroy won’t be at camp. Then, when the ladies go around the table and try to pin everyone down, she says she’d love to go…but she has to talk to her doctor because you’re not supposed to travel after 28 weeks. That was the first warning sign, and then all of a sudden the floodgates were opened. Here is a brief list of every excuse Kim tried to give:
My cervix is shortened. I had KJ early. My husband’s in camp. I’m breast-feeding. My due date has been moved up twice. I’m 30 weeks pregnant. 31 weeks. Almost 32 weeks. I had a baby last year. I’m 8 months pregnant. I have 8 weeks left in my pregnancy. I thought it was in the United States.
Come ON, bitch. COME ON. First of all, you need to get your math checked. Because if you’re eight months pregnant with eight weeks left in your pregnancy, then you’re about to have a ten-month pregnancy. Which is weird because your last baby was born early. SO maybe you should get it together and have a quick look at a calculator the next time you’r you’re about to rustle up an excuse.
So whatever — Kim can’t go because she can’t travel. EXCEPT. She’s going on a separate trip with Kroy at the same time, to a different place. Oh come on. You’re a mess, you need to pull it together. As NeNe put it, “If you were the right kind of bitch you would walk up in here and say ‘You know what? I’m not gonna travel with you guys cause I don’t want to.’ Word up, NeNe. You hit the nail on the head. And in case you needed proof that she was right, Kim promptly got up and stormed out of the restaurant, also taking time to smack a camera out of her face, of course.
So yeah, I’m definitely ready for Kim to be off this show. Good riddance to crazy rubbish.