• Sun, Dec 2 2012

Let’s Talk About Tiffany Mitchell, The Woman Lindsay Lohan Punched In The Face

By now you’ve probably heard that goddamn Lindsay Lohan got arrested for punching some girl in the face at a club in Manhattan. Because of course she did. She’s Lindsday Lohan. But what you maybe didn’t realize is that Lindsay totally wasn’t in the wrong because she was set-up. And after all, it’s completely acceptable to hit people in the face and call them gypsies. At least, that’s what Lindsay and her lawyer would like us to believe. Never mind that there are multiple witnesses from inside the club who testify that she was hitting the bottle pretty hard, and also helping herself to some delicious cocaine. Nothing like a quick line when you’re totally shitfaced to steady your nerves and make you completely responsible for your actions.

So who is this girl whose face was being so threatening to LiLo’s hands? Well, her name is Tiffany Mitchell, and she’s already being represented by uber-famous lawyer lady Gloria Allred, so don’t expect a ton more details to be forthcoming. We do know that she’s a psychic based in Florida, and someone has already conveniently come forward to challenge her credibility, calling her a ‘professional liar’ and saying she feels bad for Lindsay. Yeah, okay. According to this mystery source:

“I went to see [Mitchell] for about three weeks in November 2011. She used fear tactics to make it seem that I could be in real trouble if I didn’t pay her $43,000. She senses when people are vulnerable and when she can make money. I complained about her to Palm Beach Police but they didn’t do anything about it. I didn’t pay her, but I’m sure others in Palm Beach did. Tiffany is a professional liar!”

The psychic apparently told her to get an antique box and fill it with $43,000 in large bills, dirt from her garden, and her written-down life goals. Yes, this all seems to be in order. As long as one of your life goals is, ‘Be an idiot.’

“I was supposed to bring the box to  for her to perform some ritual. But I never brought her the money because I knew I’d never get it back.”

That was very astute of you, anonymous source. I’m glad you never gave the random lady 43,000 of your very dusty dollars. What a professional lie she told you. I can’t imagine anyone not being hoodwinked by such a cleverly elaborate scam as, ‘Put your money in a box and give it to me.’ You are a genius and Lindsay Lohan has been wrongly accused. Of course, Tiffany Mitchell wants us to believe that this totally legitimate-seeming source might somehow be misleading us, as she says:

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I had no socialite clients. There was no such things. I have no comment. Call my lawyer.”

A likely story, Tiffany. Now put 43 Lindsay Lohans in a small antique box and bring them to me.

(Image: Adriana M. Barraza / WENN.com)

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