After a welcome and all-too-brief hiatus from Twitter, everyone’s favorite domestic abuser Chris Brown is back in action. He had deactivated his account after a Twitter war with comedian Jenny Johnson rapidly devolved into him reminding us what a contemptible human being he is. (I’ve always wanted a nice boy to take home to meet my parents who knows the value of a thirsty ho taking out her teeth before she sucks Chris Brown’s dick, amIrite?!?) After she dropped the line, ”I have zero respect for a person who seems unapologetic for the terrible crime he committed and shows no signs of changing,” on him, Chris inexplicably deleted his Twitter account, leaving me to briefly imagine that he’d seen the error of his ways.
But nay. Nay nay nay. You can lead a horse away from Twitter but you can’t make him drink. This big abusive horse is already back in action, posting a picture on Instagram of post-coital (I’m assuming) Rihanna wrapped in his camo comforter and wearing either underwear or a sleep-bikini. Regardless, they’re still flouting their relationship to the entire world, which I think is pretty effing annoying. So here’s what I’m proposing: let’s get Chris Brown off Twitter again. If we all join up like a big, loving nation, we can totally make this happen. Consider it your Christmas charity project. Every morning when you wake up, just send Breezy a quick set of tweets giving him a play-by-play of your last bowel movement, or an in-depth explanation of the British Parliament, or just a list of your favorite baby names. Just some nice friendly tweets to rid the Twitter-sphere of him forever. Is that so much to ask?