• Fri, Nov 30 2012

12 Embarrassingly Obvious Signs That Kate Middleton Is Pregnant


As you may have heard from um, EVERYONE, Kate Middleton is pregnant. Okay fine, allegedly pregnant. She hasn’t exactly announced it herself yet. But what is this, November 27th, 2012? Ever since a friend told Us Weekly that Jessica Simpson’s expecting baby #2, it’s become very en vogue to have a friend leak the news to the media.

Mostly it’s because it’s an incredibly exciting time in a woman’s life and if anyone’s going to tell the world, it’s going to be her friend Source. Source is the best! Not only does she have the best style, but she totally understands that she should only tell tabloids your secrets when she’s concerned about your well-being. Or happy for your well-being. Or just in the same room as your well-being. Just talking about Source makes me want to call her and tell her about the time I cheated on my husband with my 88-year-old co-star.

So Source spoke with a few people this week and now everyone’s all aboard the Kate Middleton Pregnancy Train. It makes two stops. One at the Belly Bloatin’ station and one at the OB-GYN. Not necessarily your OB-GYN, but the one who will make statements on your behalf throughout your pregnancy. Never hurts to meet the doctor talking to the media about you.

“Hold up!” you’re saying, “how does everyone know she’s pregnant, like for sure?”

Well there are 12 signs so obvious that you’re going to feel stupid you didn’t think of them.

1. She’s already a phenomenal flaunter. You don’t get that good at flaunting unless you’re practicing for some classic baby belly flaunting around month 8.

2. Her face recently gained 10,000 pounds. Okay, I’m exaggerating. 9999 pounds.

3. She once was a baby, so in a way she’s familiar with them .

4. She’s expressed an interest in having children.

5. She’s married. This is the next logical step.

6. Jessica Simpson’s second pregnancy already bores us.

7. Hollywood Life said she was pregnant on September 5th. 

8. Women are biologically capable of having babies.

9. It would be awesome for celebrity bloggers.

10. I already prefer calling Pippa Middleton “Aunt Pippa.”

11. One time she got out of the car with her leg all weird and shit. I mean, classic pregnancy move.

12. Her full name is Catherine. I’ve met so many babies named Catherine. Dime a dozen where I’m from.

If this isn’t enough to convince you, then I don’t know. Go call Benson and Stabler, because I don’t know how else to make my case.

(Photos: Optic Photos, Solar Pix, PacificCoastNews.Com)

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  • http://twitter.com/ajeansres Mandie

    Excellent journalism skills, excellet. *golf clap*

    • Jenni

      Thanks. Always glad to hear my Yahoo Answers! Seminar on Internet Reporting paid off!