Yesterday paparazzi spotted Jesse Eisenberg strolling around New York City with Dakota Fanning. Naturally this means they’re dating. Anyone who’s ever turned on When Harry Met Sally with the intention of just watching it for a few minutes (and those minutes turn into three hours with commercial breaks which leads to watching the first 30 minutes of the encore performance), knows that men and women cannot be friends. Therefore we can rule out Jesse Eisenberg being friends with Dakota Fanning.
We can also rule them out at co-stars. Sure they’re both cast in the movie Night Moves. But two minutes of inspection on the IMDB page for the movie makes me think it’s all an elaborate ruse so they could spend time together. Even IMDB seems skeptical of them. How often do you see FOUR question marks on that site.
Also Peter Sarsgaard? OKAY. That’s a real movie. I’m sure “Josh Stamos” and no-name Sarsgaard will really succeed in blowing up that dam. Yep, no doubt here on that one.
So yeah, they’re totally dating. And if we can say they’re totally dating, then we could also assume they’re secretly married and expecting a child. A child named Dena Brauer. Aha, see what I did there. See how many dots I just connected.
You’re welcome America.
(Photo: Felipe Ramales, PacificCoastNews.com)