• Thu, Nov 29 2012

Jesse Eisenberg And Dakota Fanning Take A Walk Together, Leading Us To Believe She’s Pregnant With His Child

Yesterday paparazzi spotted Jesse Eisenberg strolling around New York City with Dakota Fanning. Naturally this means they’re dating. Anyone who’s ever turned on When Harry Met Sally with the intention of just watching it for a few minutes (and those minutes turn into three hours with commercial breaks which leads to watching the first 30 minutes of the encore performance), knows that men and women cannot be friends. Therefore we can rule out Jesse Eisenberg being friends with Dakota Fanning.

We can also rule them out at co-stars. Sure they’re both cast in the movie Night Moves. But two minutes of inspection on the IMDB page for the movie makes me think it’s all an elaborate ruse so they could spend time together. Even IMDB seems skeptical of them. How often do you see FOUR question marks on that site.

Also Peter Sarsgaard? OKAY. That’s a real movie. I’m sure “Josh Stamos” and no-name Sarsgaard will really succeed in blowing up that dam. Yep, no doubt here on that one.

So yeah, they’re totally dating. And if we can say they’re totally dating, then we could also assume they’re secretly married and expecting a child. A child named Dena Brauer. Aha, see what I did there. See how many dots I just connected.

You’re welcome America.

(Photo: Felipe Ramales, PacificCoastNews.com)

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  • http://www.facebook.com/hannah.knell.77 Hannah Knell

    I knew it!

    • Jenni

      It’s so obvious right!?

  • merp

    Hahahhaha this is great. Wonderfully written.

  • JennyL

    LOL, love this.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=711425450 Undoubtedly Thaddeus

    Waste of news. I want three minutes of my life back.

    • Jenni

      Send a self-addressed stamped envelope and it’s all yours

    • http://gabrielle2lastnames.tumblr.com/ Gabrielle Hanson-Moore

      LMFAOOOO!!!!! Jenni!!!!!! Also, it took you three minutes to read this? This is like a thirty second, forty-five MAX, read, KIND OF judging you, right now, Thaddeus.

    • http://www.facebook.com/hannah.knell.77 Hannah Knell

      That’s kind of the look Dakota has in this picture.

  • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

    LOL! Peeeeerfect!