• Wed, Nov 28 2012

‘Kate Middleton Is Pregnant’ Says Her Best Friend Who Probably Just Got Defriended

Before we jump into the fact that Kate’s oldest friend Jessica told Life & Style magazine that Kate Middleton is pregnant, let me give you a little Crushable insider story. Just in case you want to know how a story goes from email subject line to salacious homepage slander.

I had a meeting this morning to go over meeting-y stuff. Morning meetings are hard for me. Not only am I counting down the hours until it’s socially acceptable for me to eat lunch, but I’m also stressed about missing big celebrity news. Ever since Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson while I ate at a restaurant, I’ve had angina about not being in front of a computer when something big happens. I frequently have nightmares where I’m trapped on a wi-fi free elevator when they announce the Fifty Shades of Grey casting choices. Can you imagine!?

So this morning during my meeting, I get this email on my phone.

Immediately I’m like IT’S GO TIME! Kate Middleton is pregnant. I need a headline and I need an unlicensed OB-GYN willing to guestimate baby bump size on the phone STAT. Then I reread it.

I totally missed the fact that it was her friend. UGH. The dreaded “friend” who probably went to nursery school with Kate Middleton for a few months in the ’80s. That means nothing. I went from 0 to 60 to 0 more quickly than Jessica Simpson could get pregnant with her second child. Anyway, I left my meeting, slowly ate my lunch and then decided to revist this story at my leisure. And that brings us back to present time.

So in case you hear rumors today that Kate Middleton is pregnant, this is what you need to know.

“They’re planning to make an announcement in December,” Jessica reveals. “I have this on the highest authority, and it’s not to be taken lightly. It’s going to be wonderful, happy news when it’s announced.”

Jessica, who attended the exclusive Marlborough school with Kate at the age of 14 and was a guest at the couple’s wedding reception last year, tells Life & Style that with the queen’s Jubilee celebration over, Kate, 30, “was told to put on weight by the palace in May and that 2013 would be the year they have a baby.” Jessica continues, “The royal family have been talking about William and Catherine having children for quite some time.”

Jessica says that the royal couple’s social circle is “all abuzz” over the expected baby announcement and the two could not be more ready to have a little one.

“William is much like Diana and will definitely be a hands-on dad and not rely heavily on nannies to raise his and Catherine’s children,” she tells Life & Style. “They both try to be as normal as possible in their private lives, and that of course is going to continue when they have children.”

Yes, Kate met her oldest friend at age 14. Sure. Let’s go with that. BRILLIANT! While I wish (upon a star…highly underrated Disney movie) that this pregnancy news was true, I won’t believe it until Kate says it herself. And then I’ll start buying all the commemorative royal fetus plates they can sell me.

Share This Post:
  • Lauren

    I actually own Wish Upon a Star. You can get a nice look at Katherine Heigl before cigarettes and ego made her haggard.

    • Jenni

      I watched that entire movie in 20 installment on Youtube last year. Totally forgot Katherine Heigl starred in it!

    • Lauren

      That’s because she looks adorable and therefore unrecognizable.