I can’t believe that I’ve been recapping Teen Mom 2 for over a year and I only just thought to look up the tag #teenmomproblems. But oh boy, are we dealing with those in last night’s episode! 3×03 “Things Come To An End” has the girls doing everything to stir up completely unnecessary drama. From one Facebook photo, Kailyn decides that Jo is an unfit father. Leah has a tantrum over Corey‘s new truck because it symbolizes their divorce, apparently. Chelsea loses her dad Randy‘s trust when she refuses to tell him what role Adam has in her life. And Jenelle… I’m just gonna let you read her section and enjoy the ridiculousness for yourselves.
DON’T: Leave your house unlocked
Chelsea may have not informed dad Randy that her baby daddy Adam is living with her — or at least storing his stuff in her garage — so it’s her own damn fault that Randy finds out. After Chelsea and her friend leave for Adam’s motocross race, Randy goes back into her house to check on… something, we’re not sure what. Most likely the producers left the door unlocked and suggested that Randy take a look inside. At least, that would be better than Chelsea leaving her doors open willy-nilly.
DON’T: Repeat the same unhealthy patterns
“It’s just ridiculous that this is happening again,” Randy says, which is completely legitimate. Then she goes to the race and keeps cooing things like “Are you gonna win?” and “Are they scared of you?” while Adam virtually ignores her.
DON’T: Use your kid as an excuse to get in touch with your baby daddy
After Adam starts ignoring Chelsea for a few days (surprise, surprise) she calls him up under the pretense of shopping for Aubree‘s birthday party. God forbid she get in touch with him in a way that doesn’t require MTV’s cameras to be watching.
DO: Try everything
Leah’s sticking point with her divorce to Corey is that they — or does she mean, “he”? — didn’t try hard enough. “At least then we’d know we shouldn’t be together,” she tells a friend. But yet again, I can’t help thinking that she’s expecting an awful lot out of Corey since she’s the one who cheated on him.
DON’T: Be petty
Leah jumps on Corey after he buys a new truck and later jokes, “Here we go! Split-up family, brand-new truck.” She’s bitter because their fighting started over him wanting a new truck… but the way she takes it so seriously is pretty ridiculous.
DO: Look ahead
So now Leah and Corey are finally, officially divorced. “We just have to work together for our girls,” he says. THANK YOU, COREY
DO: Choose chicks over dicks
Jenelle goes to visit a friend she had a fight with last season, who tells her, “I’ll always be here, on one condition: You can’t see Kieffer if I’m going to be your friend.” At least Jenelle recognizes the value of getting rid of her shady ex… but you have to laugh that her answer is, “I think I’ll be able to do it, ’cause he’s all the way in Jersey anyway.”
And then we find out the other reason that Jenelle reached out to her friend: She has Ke$ha tickets. Oh, bless her heart.
DON’T: Be helpless
Because Jenelle violated her probation with smoking weed last week and can’t go back on probation, she’s potentially facing up to 45 days in jail. And yet, she just “can’t seem to stop smoking.” Come on, Jenelle, it’s weed, not nicotine or a harder drug. And when her probation officer offers that she could continue probation, she automatically declares that she won’t be able to stay clean for months. But wouldn’t she not be able to smoke in jail…?
DON’T: Turn your family against each other
When Jenelle doesn’t like something that mom Barbara says, she tries to teach poor little Jace to say, “Mamay, shut up!”
DO: Have some perspective
OH MY GOD we just hit the best part of this season. That Ke$ha concert? Falls within the same two weeks where Jenelle would have to go to jail. “You don’t understand,” she tells her friend Justin. “She’s, like, my idol. That’s why I’m wearing feathers in my hair, for this concert. I bought new clothes for this concert. I set up hotel rooms for this concert.”
Yes, what will ultimately keep Jenelle on probation is not her son, her mother, or the need to quit weed… but her idol, Ke$ha.
DO: Be smart
Ultimately, however, Jenelle doesn’t get to make that decision, because she fails a random drug test and winds up in jail. When she asks Barbara to pay the $1,000 bond to get her out, Barbara tells her, “Sit in jail and pay the price.” BARBARA YES I LOVE YOU
DON’T: Torture yourself
As happy as Kailyn is after reuniting with boyfriend Jordan, she’s compelled to look up photos of her baby daddy Jo and his new girlfriend Vee.
DON’T: Find an excuse to cause drama
To stir things up, Kailyn freaks out because she finds a Facebook photo of Jo and Vee where he’s tipsy on a Friday night, so automatically she assumes he’s choosing his new girlfriend over his son Isaac. Except, a) Vee could’ve uploaded the photo on Friday from an earlier night, and b) wouldn’t she know whether or not Jo was taking care of his son?
DO: Work together
You would think that it would be best for Isaac to have his parents get along, right? But Kailyn is so determined to make Jo look bad that she hires a mediation counselor and shows her the photo of tipsy Jo. She harps on the fact that he’s underage, all so she can have Isaac every other weekend. It’s just petty.