Joe Jonas Has Impossibly High Standards For His Future Girlfriend

Just because Joe Jonas is famous and just because he guest-starred on Married to Jonas does not mean that he can walk around with  impossibly high standards for a girlfriend. But he does anyway because  he’s Joe Jonas and he thinks being the brother of the guy who dated Miley Cyrus means he can say whatever he wants.

Recently a source, who we trust completely because sources (like hips) don’t lie, said Joe Jonas whispered the following dream into a dark room.

“Joe is super picky,” a source tells us. “He wants a girlfriend and he wants her to be Christian. He’s a really good guy and wants a girl with strong morals. He’s being set up casually by his friends but he hasn’t met anyone who has peaked his interest just yet.”

Hear that? He not only insists on dating a Christian woman, but he also insists on her having strong morals. Frankly it’s insulting his expectations are so high. What else does he want? A woman who puts the toilet seat up? I mean, it’s ridiculous how these guys get famous and then get greedy. I think we can underscore the fact that he’s being super-picky. This basically borders on obnoxious. But I guess that’s what happens when a guy rides his high horse atop a pedestal into the sunset of a thousand screaming tween girls.

At most you’re supposed to have one standard for a significant other. It can be “taller than me” or “college graduate” or “has last name Hemsworth,” but it cannot be more than one. It’s like no one else spent their weekend reading old self-help Xangas and combing through them for advice like I did.

Ugh, men. Why must they always have standards, in the plural???

(Photo: Josephine Santos,

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    • fuck u

      what the fuck is wrong with this site?? YOU’RE SO FUCKING ANNOYING.

      • Jenni

        WebMd says we’re either pregnant or dying. Not sure which diagnosis is correct!

      • Gabrielle Hanson-Moore

        I’m going to trust my instincts and say that you’re drunk, right now. Either that or you have an undiagnosed reading disability that prevents you from understanding HEAVYYYY sarcasm.

      • Cee

        Now now, this is not very Christian of you. Joe Jonas would not be happy with this!

      • Rebecca George

        Well, writer can’t meet the standards. LOL.

    • dani

      ugh, this is same website that said joe jonas is jealous of 1 direction? bunch of crap…why did i click on this?

    • dana

      that’s really not high standards. fair enough hes picking someone with strong morals because that’s always important in a partner. and there’s nothing wrong with being christian, he just wants someone else who is similar to him religiously

      • Guest


    • strike_a_poseur

      Not high, and also … he is gay.

    • Gabrielle Hanson-Moore

      You guys, IT WAS A JOKE. THE WHOLE ARTICLE IS A JOKE. She’s making fun of the “inside source” whom said that he was “super picky”. You can’t all be that dimwitted. I REFUSE to believe that you are all THAT dimwitted. You’re a star, Jenni. Absolutely hilarious! :D

      • Jenni

        I think you’re my new best friend…too soon?

      • Gabrielle Hanson-Moore

        Let’s just say that I may or may not have just ranted (and raved) about this specific article on my blog. You’re pretty much my favorite person ever now.

      • Jenni

        You just made my night with that post! And I’m a super-picky person. Like super-pickier than Joe.

      • Gabrielle Hanson-Moore

        GIRL, me too. I have like THREE REQUIREMENTS on my list! We’re gonna end up those roommates that form a cat colony. That’s our only clear option for happiness. SIGHHHHH.

      • rebecca1977

        yes he is very picky when it comes to women but Demi Lovato is the only woman 4 him but in the meantime he can date anyone he wants to

      • Rebecca George


      • rebecca1977

        you are right, it IS a joke

    • Rebecca George

      Man, thats pretty judgmental. He is not doing it to be a guy. That is not much of a head in the clouds standard. Its pretty realistic, you’re just offended because he’s looking for something a lot of Christians look for. I’m happy he’s being himself.

    • rebecca1977


    • rebecca1977

      And he is not picky at all

    • rebecca1977

      Demi Lovato is the one and only girl 4 him