I wish I could say I’m over this whole are they / aren’t they thing with Rihanna and Chris Brown, but apparently I’m not. As we all remember, Chris beat the shit out of his then-girlfriend Rihanna, but nobody ever found out about it, so it totally made sense that he went on to still have a successful music career. Except, wait. That might not be right. I think actually everybody found out about it, but he still went on to have a successful music career. At least for a while, though, he wasn’t around Rihanna. She wouldn’t testify against him, but she also wouldn’t get back together with him. Obviously. What with the face-bashing and whatnot.
But for a while now, there have been persistent whisperings that the two of them are solidly in a relationship again. One of those old-fashioned romances, like Antony and Cleopatra or Romeo and Juliet or Eminem and Kim. One for the history books. Except here’s the thing — they won’t admit they’re together. Obviously my preference is that they have nothing to do with each other, but if they’re going to be involved, they could at least do us the courtesy of not lying about it. They’ve now collaborated on a song called “Nobody’s Business”, been photographed spending the Thanksgiving holiday together, and Rihanna posted a picture of Chris shirtless in bed with his pants down low around his ass and his boxers showing, and still Chris insists they’re just ‘best friends’.
Right, because I photograph my best friends shirtless all the time. Especially the ones who used to beat me up. Those are the ones I love best. But come on guys, seriously? Do you think that just because Chris is facing away in the picture with only his distinctive tattoos to identify him, no one’s gonna notice it’s him? Or are you feeding off the attention now, and the wild speculation? I mean, it’s obvious to me that you guys are at least diddling, if not fully-blown back together, so why don’t you just admit it make me (slightly) less angry?