One Direction. Zayn Malik is second from the right, and Louis Tomlinson is next to him, in the center.
Are we in the middle of the filming of an after-school special or something? Because wonderful, magical things are happening that I’ve only ever dared to dream about. Boy bands The Wanted and One Direction are involved in a Twitter war. Ahhhh. Let’s just sit and revel in that for a moment, shall we? Because sweeter words have never crossed my lips. Boy band members. A Twitter war. I’ve waited years for this. The Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC used to get in feuds via smoke signal, and it was never this satisfying. Finally technology has advanced enough that we can follow along as famous teenagers insult each other in real time. Let’s get started.
The Wanted. Tom Parker is in the middle and Max George is right next to him, second from the right.
To be totally fair, it isn’t the bands themselves that are fighting, it’s two specific members within each group. But not the uber-famous ones, the off-brand ones. In our first corner, hailing from One Direction, we have Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson. And in the second corner, hailing from The Wanted, we have Max George and Tom Parker. I can tell you that Zayn and Louis have the advantage right off the bat, just by virtue of me knowing their last names without having to look them up, but let’s get to the war.
Note the skilled use of such extreme putdowns as ‘geek’ and the inspired posing while flipping off the camera. These
men boys manboys are not to be trifled with. Let’s continue.
Alright, this is starting to get a little boring. There’s only so much bizarre grammar and misuse of “your” and “you’re” that I can read in one day without wanting to do myself bodily harm.
Well helloooooo peanut gallery! It appears I spoke too soon! Each of these boys called in a little backup, it seems. This is getting interesting. Let’s get back to the main beef.Wow. Just wow. I’m speechless. I’m not very good at boyband jargon, but I’m pretty sure that Chlamydia Boy and Big Man are gonna fight! There’s to be a spectacle! No but seriously I have no idea what they’re talking about for most of this. The 8 security? Chlamydia boy? Do these guys know secrets about each other that we don’t? And did my eyes deceive me, or did I see a little weed-smoking reference in there?
Pull it together boys, this isn’t Colorado. Also you’re fighting on Twitter, so joke’s on you.
(Images: WENN.com / Joseph Marzullo / Buzzfeed )