Like everyone else with half a brain in America, I was more than a little confused by Lifetime‘s decision to not only make a period-spanning biopic of Elizabeth Taylor’s life, but more so that they chose Lindsay Lohan to portray her. Think about it: there had to be a major meeting of Lifetime bigwigs, marketing professionals, and creatives who all sat around a fancy schmancy boardroom and unanimously agreed that of all B, C, and D-list actresses to cast, Lindsay Lohan was the perfect choice. I’ve worked in public relations, so I can only assume that they wanted to get tongues wagging in the media and didn’t particularly care about the quality of the movie. I mean, it is Lifetime, after all.
Now that the “world premiere” of Liz & Dick is nearly upon us, please join me in smirking and even chuckling out loud at the critical reviews:
South Bend Tribune
“Lohan is miscast as Taylor in lifeless Liz & Dick.”
“At no point in this unenergetic revisiting of the legendarily volatile romance between Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton does it actually feel like you’re watching Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.”
“Lohan, bless her “Freaky Friday” heart, tries her absolute best, bawling at full-tilt and screaming at Bowler with all the ferocity her raspy, ravaged voice will allow.”
“Playing a well-known person is always difficult but Elizabeth Taylor is in the K2 range. Famously contradictory, she wasn’t just beautiful, she was radiant, and that is a tough quality to evoke, particularly if you haven’t got it yourself. Which Lohan does not.”
“Her Taylor always seems one tic away from saying something like ‘Oh my God, Mom, like I care’ and the prodigious amounts of alcohol she consumes do little more than make her cry like a jilted prom queen.”
Zap 2 It
“Liz & Dick,” Lindsay Lohan’s corny ‘comeback vehicle,’ is so awful it makes the entire slate of Lifetime guilty-pleasure TV movies look like Masterpiece Theatre.”
“LiLo’s infinity-packs-a-day rasp is jarring, as are scenes that reference Taylor’s weight gain when played by the rail-thin redhead.”
“Let’s not pretend it ever had a shot at being decent. The decision to cast Lindsay Lohan as Oscar-winning screen legend Elizabeth Taylor told us right up front that the filmmakers were more interested in trashy publicity than quality.”
“Lohan will probably make the case, somewhere down the line, that her flat, vacant line readings were a campy attempt to distance herself from the film’s many bad lines.”
The Hollywood Reporter
“Drinking games were made for movies like this. And the best part is that it gets worse as it goes on, so in the right company with the right beverages, Liz & Dick could be unbearably hilarious toward the tail end of the 90-minute running time. By the time Lohan is playing mid-’80s Taylor and it looks like a lost Saturday Night Live skit.”
Well, that’s all I needed to hear. Drinking game? I’m in. I think everyone assumed this movie would be absolutely terrible. It’s just absolutely hilarious when acclaimed publications and witty critics actually review a Lifetime movie.
Liz & Dick premieres tomorrow night at 9, so get out your dad’s best scotch and gear up for a so-bad-it’s-good kind of night.