I was ready to write Rihanna off as just another self-indulged celebrity last week. I stood outside a hotel she was exiting for an eternity—something like ten whole minutes—waiting for her to sign an autograph for me. Instead, when she emerged, she just walked past me, into her car, and drove away. Nothing. Not a signature. Not a glance. Not even a single note of Umbrella.
I was upset for a little while. But then I heard a story about her recently that changed my perception. Now, not only do I think of her as a caring person, but she may also be the most generous celebrity I know.
You see, Rihanna was gracious enough to take 150 journalists on tour with her last week. They had access to her plane, her hotels, and her lifestyle. In fact, they had access to everything about Rihanna except Rihanna. She didn’t do any interviews. But I understand that. You do an interview with one journalist you’ve asked to follow you around the world, then all of a sudden 150 journalists you’ve asked to follow you around the world, journalists who are taking time away from their work and their families, are clamoring you to answer a few questions. If anything, she was being fair.
But the journalists didn’t see it that way. They rebelled by writing numerous smear pieces and complaining publicly about the way they were treated. By the way, those are pretty weak ways to rebel. If you really want to annoy Rihanna, just make her listen to her own music.
But, no. They complained loudly enough, and now Rihanna’s been forced to apologize. For what? The lack of sleep they got from waiting around for her? The terrible concerts they were forced to go to without the promise of getting a few seconds alone with the performer for some perspective? Gawker even reported that water wasn’t easy to come by.
How dare they complain about those things? She shouldn’t be apologizing to them, they should be apologizing to her for creating such a ruckus.
I mean, by the third day, if you’re not getting enough sleep because you’re waiting to get an interview with her, but you also know from her behavior during those three days that you’re never going to get that interview, then go to sleep! What are you stupid? Whether you got two hours or ten hours of sleep a night, you were going to get the same amount of face time with Rihanna: zero. So, don’t whine about being tired.
Plus, you knew what you were getting into when you signed up to see seven Rihanna concerts. If I told you, “For seven consecutive nights I’m going to pour molten acid into your ear canal,” and you said, “That’s fine,” well, then, it’s your own fault when that doesn’t turn out to be fun.
And you did get water. I’m sure Rihanna had vodka or beer on the plane or in the hotels. And what’s the main ingredient in both of those drinks? Water. So, dry your tears and shut your mouths.
On top of that, the most uncomfortable moment of the trip was caused by a journalist who ran through the cabin of the plane naked, which is completely unprofessional. I mean, I get it. I know you want to have sex with Rihanna. We all do. But that doesn’t mean that you have to sway your dong all over the cabin of her private plane. You didn’t see me genitals-out-of-pants when I was trying to get her autograph. Keep you’re composure. Show a little class. It’s called professionalism. If she wants to sleep with you she will. And if she doesn’t and you’re running around naked near her, her boyfriend might get jealous. And he might beat you with his fists.
So, get off your high-journalistic horse, journalists. Perhaps you should write a few pieces apologizing to Rihanna for forcing her to publicly defend herself against you. After you do that, maybe she’ll be kind enough to offer you this opportunity again. And if you’re smart, like you should have been the first time, you will respectfully decline.
(Photo: Demis Maryannakis, PacificCoastNews.com)