I worry about Taylor Swift. I really really do. Sure, she has her career in strong working order, but I’m not convinced she has this ‘dating’ thing down, yet. She’s been linked to Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, Jake Gyllenhaal, John Mayer, and most recently Conor Kennedy. In case you were keeping track, those guys range in age from 18 to 35, and they’re all famous, some of them for being talented, some of them for being womanizers. I’m sure in the moment she thought they were all very nice boys, but all we have to do is take a look at her lyrics to find out that, by her own admission, she doesn’t have particularly good judgement. Her most recent ex, young master Kennedy, was 18 to Taylor’s 22, but that didn’t stop her from looking at houses with him, and I eagerly await her new song, “I Bet You Think This Yacht Is About You.”
Meanwhile, Taylor has moved on to a new specimen. Yes, already. But with everything she’s learned, I’m confident that this new gentleman will be neither a. younger than her or b. a serial dater. Unless he’s both. Sigh. Taylor is now rumored to be dating Harry Styles, of the UK band One Direction, he of the floppy hair and affairs with much older married ladies. What a perfect choice! Or not at all. I’m honestly starting to believe that Taylor chooses guys she knows will break her heart just so she can write good breakup songs about them. Seriously. Look at the evidence. You couldn’t pick a guy more likely to cheat on you in a really painful, famous way. It’s honestly genius.
The pair have been seen at each others’ rehearsals, with Harry showing up to watch Taylor rehearse for X Factor, after which he ran up onstage and threw her over his shoulder, carrying her backstage. Oh good, so they’re being really nice and discreet about it. Obviously they really want to make a go at a real relationship, out of the spotlight. By holding hands in front of Mario Lopez and stuff. How refreshing.
Well, I won’t wish you luck because you seem not to want it. So I’ll just sit quietly at home and wait for your newest single, “Take Us In A New Direction.” I see you, Swift. I know what you’re doing.
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