Raise your hand if you’re excited that Skyfall is out in theaters! In the past few months, we’ve gotten plenty of teases about James Bond‘s (Daniel Craig) latest adventure, from a cheeky video during the summer Olympics to all that internet speculation on if we’ll ever get a bisexual Bond. We’re especially intrigued by the movie’s Bond girls, since this is the first time in a while that none of them are really mainstream actresses.
It’s clear from the trailers that Naomie Harris and Bérénice Marlohe will hold their own no problem, but we also found ourselves reflecting fondly on the women who have seduced, beaten up, and betrayed Bond throughout the years. Ask any girl who she remembers as Bond’s female counterparts, and you’ll get different favorites. We’ve compiled some of the more memorable ones from the past few installments and matched them up to the women who love (or love to hate) them. As you’ll notice, we’ve drawn just from the Daniel Craig and Pierce Brosnan movies because we figure that’s who Crushable’s readers most recognize.
Giacinta “Jinx” Johnson (Halle Berry)
Movie: Die Another Day
What she does: Who can forget Halle Berry rising up out of the water in that orange bikini? Interestingly, I remembered Jinx as something of a traitor in this movie, but then I refreshed my memory: Though prickly, she teams up with Bond to take down the genetically-altered villain and engages in a great girl-on-girl swordfight with Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike). Plus, she gets the guy and the diamonds.
What it says about you: You have absolutely no patience for petty girl drama.
Dr. Christmas Jones (Denise Richards)
Movie: The World Is Not Enough
What she does: Christmas is one of my personal favorites because everything about her is ridiculous: Her name, all the dirty puns Bond makes about her (“I thought Christmas only comes once a year”), and the fact that we’re supposed to buy Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist. She’s the embodiment of why these movies are escapist.
What it says about you: You try really hard to be something you’re not.
Vesper Lynd (Eva Green)
Movie: Casino Royale
What she does: For all her ridiculousness, at least Christmas can handle herself. Vesper is as green as they come, probably because rather than a scientist or an assassin she’s a Treasury agent. Part of why she and Bond, er, bond is as he comforts her from the fighting to which he’s so accustomed. She inspires him to post his resignation as a double-0 agent… the only problem is, it turns out Vesper was playing him the whole time, which results in her death. Of course, it was all to protect her kidnapped boyfriend.
What it says about you: You stretch yourself too thin and try to make everyone happy.
Photo: Danjaq, LLC, United Artists Corporation, Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc.
Wai Lin (Michelle Yeoh)
Movie: Tomorrow Never Dies
What she does: Bond and Lin initially believe they’ve been sent to kill each other, but they form a wary alliance against General Chang with his deadly missiles. She especially gains Bond’s respect when she refuses his attempts to seduce her. But of course, after they defeat the bad guys they give in to all that smoldering sexual tension.
What it says about you: You are all about the job… but still let yourself fool around a little bit.
Xenia Onatopp (Famke Janssen)
What she does: Um, OK. So I didn’t know anything about Xenia — aside from playing her in the GoldenEye video game — before writing this post. Then I learned that not only is she the movie’s femme fatale, but she has a very special way of dispatching of her male victims. She has sex with them… and then crushes them to death with her thighs. Oh, and when she gets crushed to death by her own harness, Bond quips, “She always did enjoy a good squeeze.”
What it says about you: You might want to do some therapy to figure out your issues with the opposite sex. You probably also have a name that people make lots of puns out of.
Natalya Simonova (Izabella Scorupco)
What she does: So here’s a programmer who’s pretty but actually believable. After the franchise had been dormant for six years, fans say, she was the perfect girl to help audiences get back into the groove alongside the then-new Bond, Pierce Brosnan.
What it says about you: You’re the dream girlfriend.
Photo: United Artists
Eve Moneypenny (Naomie Harris)
What she does: I’m gonna keep this spoiler-free since none of us have seen the movie, but suffice to say, Naomie is embodying a famous character from Bond lore: “Miss Moneypenny,” M’s secretary who’s always had some sexual tension with Bond. Of course, the fact that she’s got a gun in this photo shows that she’s getting more action than prior Moneypennys.
What it says about you: Your life is about to get a lot more exciting.
Did we get your favorite?
Top Photo: Danjaq, LLC, United Artists Corporation, Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc.