I admit, pretty much the only time I give Justin Bieber any thought is when I’m shaming my 16-year-old cousin for still crushing on him. Sure he’s talented and all, but in this Toddlers and Tiaras day and age where children are more spoiled and precocious than ever before, kids who can sing and dance are a dime a dozen. It’s my personal opinion that you can force/train kids to do just about anything if you’re willing to cough up enough cash. It’s becoming harder to determine who has genuine talent, because even that can be purchased these days.
But enough bitter nostalgia, let’s get back to the Biebs. I guess I can’t come down too hard on him, because he does have a very pretty face and it wasn’t so long ago that I thought The Backstreet Boys and Ricky Martin were God’s personal gift to me. The first time I saw the music video for Livin’ La Vida Loca, I started sweating Ricky Martin HARD. But I was a young, awkward lass of twelve back then, and he was a grown man.
I will never consider Justin Bieber a grown man. He will be perpetually stuck in my mind as a cute — if slightly obnoxious — kid. Which is exactly why I felt like a dirty old woman when I momentarily admired this shirtless Instagram shot of the Biebs this week:
Ahh! So many questions began swimming around inside my head at once: Am I cougar? Wait, how old IS Justin Bieber? Is this okay? What’s with those pants? Is that Mario Lopez in the background? AM I A COUGAR?
This picture was accompanied with a caption congratulating President Obama on his victory with the hashtag “#freehealthcare.” Since he’s Canadian and therefore already has free healthcare, I assume he was merely showcasing the benefits of what ObamaCare can do for the pubescent male youth of the United States. Can’t say it’s a bad idea — promoting free healthcare AND your washboard abs in one fell swoop.
Well, while the teenage boys and girls across the country are busy admiring this photo for various reasons, you can find me watching re-runs of To Catch A Predator on Discovery I.D. and eating my shame away in massive amounts of Ben & Jerry’s.