You know how there are different proper gifts for each anniversary that couples have? Like 25th is silver, 30th is pearl, 50th is gold — stuff like that. Well I don’t know what friend-iversary Krysten Ritter and James Van Der Beek are at right now, but it must be a big one, because he gave her a jar of wolf urine.
The two of them costar in Don’t Trust The B—- In Apartment 23, and apparently Ritter had been talking on set about how she can’t figure out how to get coyotes to stop coming into her yard. Nothing had happened yet, but Krysten has a small dog, and she was worried for its safety. Apparently the scent of the larger wolves keeps the smaller coyotes away, as Krysten explained to Anderson Cooper, on his show:
“He gave me a really sick and perverted – but amazing – gift. It’s a jar of wolf urine…I have a little dog, and where I live, I live in L.A. now, there are a lot of coyotes. Somehow, James knew that if you sprinkle wolf urine outside of your house, it keeps the coyotes away. So he gave me this amazing gift. But I don’t travel with it.”
Well of course you don’t travel with it. Everyone knows you can’t take liquids on planes, and anyway if you bring wolf urine on board with you, none of the coyote flight attendants will come anywhere near you, and you won’t get your complimentary peanuts or little chode-y can of Sprite.
Unfortunately, Krysten has no answer for my biggest question which is — how the hell did James Van Der Beek get his hands on a full JAR of wolf urine. When Anderson asked her that, she responded, “I have no idea”, but I think the rest of us should consider the fact that JVDB is most likely a werewolf who is able to harvest urine by gaining their trust and then initiating chugging contests in rivers and streams.
Krysten did have one parting shot for Anderson, as she handed him the empty bottle and said, “Don’t smell it!” Oh come on. Like he would really do that. Anderson Cooper is A. the son of a Vanderbilt and B. a silver fox, which is blatantly smaller than a wolf. He’d have to leave his own set. Get real, Ritter.