Someone alert Carmen Sandiego and someone else get the Boxcar Children on hold. We have a Hollywood mystery on our hands that needs to be solved before any more good relationships get destroyed. What do we know? Not much. Only that there’s a mysterious attractive woman who’s now seduced Liam Hemsworth and Robert Pattinson.
Let’s start at the beginning. 28 days ago someone spotted Robert Pattinson speaking to an attractive woman while out in public. “That’s not a crime!” you might say. False. It is a crime in 38 states to speak to a mysterious woman when you’re in the midst of getting back together with your girlfriend. Keep in mind that 28 days ago Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart had just started the process of reconciliation. Why, I don’t even know if they’d signed their official reunion papers yet.
Thankfully this mysterious attractive woman failed in her attempts to make Robert Pattinson cheat on Kristen Stewart. While we all hoped and prayed this alluring banshee retreated back into the darkness, she re-emerged this week with the goal of taking down another A-list couple: Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus.
Feel free to hyperventilate as much as necessary. There’s no shame in panicking over the fact that our American version of Kate Middleton and Prince William could be on the verge of disaster.
In a disturbing report titled, “Trouble In Paradise For Miley & Liam? Hemsworth Spotted Getting ‘Very Cozy’ With Mystery Blonde,” Radar Online investigates what happened.
An eyewitness tells Radar exclusively that Liam, who arrived early at the tech savvy party and stayed until the end, spent the majority of the night chatting up a beautiful blonde woman in the back tent, and it wasn’t Miley!
I know. It’s troubling, troubling indeed. While there’s no apparent connection between this mysterious siren and the one who seduced Robert Pattinson, I can’t help but fear that they’re one in the same. That somewhere out there, a mysterious lady’s working her way through the Hollywood A-list, leaving nothing but tabloid headlines and broken relationships in her wake.
Let’s pray together that someone can stop this woman, this enchantress of evil sent from the depths of hell to seduce all our male celebrities. Today it’s Liam Hemsworth, tomorrow it could be worse, it could be someone like Michael Lohan.
(Photo: Miguel Aguilar/Sam Sharma, PacificCoastNews.com)