Now That President Obama Gets To Stay President, Let’s Focus On 18 More Pressing Issues

Well it’s official, President Barack Obama will remain the president of  The United States of America (!!!). Whether you’re insanely thrilled or clinically depressed, it’s time to move on.

Yes, I know it’s only been a few minutes since you heard the news but we have more pressing matters to talk about. And no, they don’t involve the logistics behind moving to Canada or doing a celebratory streak from your home state to the White House.

In the weeks leading up to this election, we’ve neglected a few important issues. Issues so big and so important that every American citizen, from the reddest of red states and to the bluest of blue states, should be concerned.

So read them over tonight and be ready to discuss in the morning. Our country’s future depends on getting to the bottom of these issues!

1. Why does Cee Lo get to bring his parrot to The Voice? No other judge gets a plus one. It just doesn’t seem fair.

2. Who will get cast as Anastasia Steele in Fifty Shades of Grey?

3. How long must I wait for Jon Hamm to marry me?

4. Is Emma Watson really returning to Brown next semester?

5. Where did Channing Tatum get these moves?

 

6. What’s the real way to pronounce GIF? How do we make this official??

7. Are Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart really in love or is it all for Breaking Dawn publicity?

8. What inspires Miley Cyrus to be Miley Cyrus?

9. What in Heaven’s name were they thinking making a Sex and the City sequel?

10. How old is Courtney Stodden?

11.Amanda Bynes?

12. Is American Horror Story based on a true story? When will TLC find a real life American Horror Story and make a series?

13. Could Ryan Gosling be God?

14. WHAT DID ADELE NAME HER BABY?

15. Is it even legal to keep up with the Kardashians?

16. Will scientists ever find a way to differentiate between a baby bump and a bloated bump?

17. If you could be any member of The Babysitter’s Club, who would you be and why?

18. How is it humanly possible that Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka’s kids are so cute??

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    • Elissa

      These are hysterical. I’d also like to know why Cee Lo decided to channel his inner Rick James the other night.

    • madtown

      Reading this was like being in my own head… so, of course, I loved it. Also, #15 – BEST. EVER.

      • Jenni

        I’m still waiting to hear from lawyers on #15.