Infamous With Taryn Southern is Crushable’s first YouTube series! Every week during the release of Taryn’s musical comedy album On My Face, she’ll be reporting on embarrassing celebrity moments from the trenches of her bedroom.
Shooting a music video that warns women about the strategies guys employ to get in your pants backfired like only a giant ball of irony does. For a month straight, no one hit on me. Not even my weird neighbor, and that’s saying a lot.
Ah well, lesson learned. Never again will I make a music video called “Guys, They Just Want to F*ck You.” It’s not like the general male population can control what’s happening in their pants, right??
I digress. This column for Crushable is about celebrities, and how they relate to the super random themes in my music videos, so get right to it.
How do you protect yourself against the wiles of Hollywood playboys?
Well, you don’t. Aside from the expectation they’ll get you in the sack, I’d lay a bet that many would be down right offended if you said no (though, depending on your levels of fandom and/or intoxication, you probably wouldn’t.)
Here are my honorable mentions for Top Hollywood Playas (who just wanna f*ck you). For the TOP five, you’ll just have to watch the video, my friends. BONUS POINTS if you make it to the part where I get tsatziki sauce all over my face.
#10- John Mayer
This cocky crooner called Jessica Simpson “sexual napalm,” wrote a love song for Jennifer Love Hewitt, and is currently seen out and about with the very sexy Katy Perry. Whether his prey be young (Taylor Swift) or old..er (Jennifer Aniston), he never fails to make the ladies fall hard and fast. And last.
#9 – Russell Brand
Our previous honoree’s current girlfriend’s ex-husband might just have Mayer beat – if not only by the numbers, but by the approach. Brand is a self-admitting sex addict, comparing himself to a “charging locomotive” and admitting to having a team of friends/ “sex experts” to help him find his lady of the night (er, ladies of the night.) Though sex rehab is rumored to have helped, this former married man is now a single lad on the loose – so watch out.
#8 – Jeremy Piven
Ari Gold was no angel, and according to insiders, neither is this TV star. He infamously was publicly outed for mass texting/propositioning a slew of waitress/models several years ago to join him at a hotel, and hasn’t exactly slowed down the rumor mill with any serious partners. Last seen in Ibiza, with a mystery blonde. Girlfriend, perhaps?
#7 – Charlie Sheen
He’s admitted to sleeping with prostitutes (repeatedly), and one website guesses his number at over 5,000. Still the guy has quite the pedigree, from Denise Richards and Kelly Preston to Donna Peele and Brooke Mueller. And what ever happened to those two porn stars (i.e. “goddesses”) who were living with him during the epic time of tiger blood? Who knows, but ladies be warned!
#6 – Hugh Hefner
How can you not honor Hugh, the godfather of occupational womanizing? The guy managed to make it his career – and lifestyle – to publicly dating dozens of scantily clad, gorgeous, golden haired models. All at once. Running around a mansion in bikinis. And he’s still doing it…..
Don’t forget to watch the video to get my TOP FIVE, and to see the original music video that inspired the column, click here! Until next week!
Taryn Southern is an actress, writer, and web star with more than 100 million views on her online videos. She just released her debut comedy album, On My Face, and will be releasing a series of music videos on her channel, which correspond with the themes of her column on Crushable. Her video co-writer, Lauren Scharf, is a recent graduate of Columbia College and her writing can also be found on her blog Endless Amusement.