There’s been a lot happening lately, and I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t exactly have your focus in the right place. There’s the hurricane, the presidential election, and then the most important, topical decision our nation is facing right now: Jennifer Aniston vs. Angelina Jolie. Sure, the root of this situation happened back in 2005, but no matter what people tell you, there’s no shame in being an undecided voter. Sure, it’s 2012, but you, like any of us, want to get your facts straight before you cast your vote and change the course of history, so I’ve drawn up a list of pros and cons to help you decide which of these ladies to elect as president. I mean…which of them to like more, in your influential life.
In one corner you have Jenn. Obviously she’s doomed to die alone and friendless with no babe to ever warm her womb, since she was abandoned by the only man in the world, Brad Pitt. That’s a given, but she must not know that, because she’s also engaged to Justin Theroux. Obviously that marriage will never work out, because once one bad thing happens to you, the rest of your life will be polluted and bad and you will never recover. Just look at Beyonce — her first girl group didn’t win Star Search, and then we never heard from her ever again.
In the other corner we have Angelina. Well, Brangelina, really, because she won the man through her devious and conniving ways. Pay no attention to her philanthropy or huge, multicultural adopted and biological family — this woman is a homewrecker. Sure, she’s engaged to Brad, but I think it’s better to focus on the invalidity of their relationship based on the way it maybe probably might have started. It’s certainly more fun for me, as a blogger.
They’re both gorgeous, both engaged to strikingly beautiful gentlemen, and both of them want to be
President of the United States. America’s Sweetheart. Left alone? Bottom line, neither one of these women will find happiness in any form, because of this thing that happened seven years ago, but it’s still up to you to decide who you want to think of more fondly. Just remember that our nation’s future hangs in the balance.
Oh, and go vote today. It’s what Brangelennifer would want you to do.