In keeping with the ongoing trend of every lady celebrity ever tweeting pictures of themselves without make-up, Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi jumped in on this action. The Jersey Shore star (is that phrasing correct? Should they be called ‘stars’?) tweeted a picture of herself with baby Lorenzo on Saturday. The wee babe was born in August, to Snooki and her fiancee Jionni LaValle, and he’s adorable and all that blah blah blah, but let’s get to the important part. Snooki isn’t wearing make-up. Or if she is, it’s really tasteful and classy, a far cry from the usual orange paste foundation and shoe polish eyeliner that I’ve grown used to on the show.
But here’s what I don’t understand — she looks good. Like, really good. Usually if someone wears that amount of make-up, I assume they’re trying to cover for something. To compensate for bad skin, or weird…eye placement? I don’t know. But Snooki looks beautiful and radiant and really new mother-y in a way that makes me suspicious. I feel like someone took away the Snooki I knew and replaced her with Nicole, who has a new baby and makes food for him herself in a blender at home instead of buying processed baby food. I don’t know if she does that, but this picture is telling me she does, and I won’t stand for it.
I watch Jersey Shore and Snooki’s previous exploits on it so I can feel good about where I am in my life. When I see people peeing their pants and getting arrested for day-drinking, I feel pretty okay about having peanut M&Ms for breakfast and not putting pants on before 3:00pm. (Good morning.) But when I see these radiant twitpics of a pulled-together new mom with no false lashes in sight, I kind of have to question my own choices. This whole time I was judging this girl, but maybe she had it right. I should’ve spent my early twenties getting falling-down drunk in an unsinkable house in Seaside Heights, NJ instead of going to college and working at a restaurant and writing for a blog. Maybe then I’d be married now to a nice guido with my own little baby Lorenzita and millions of followers on Instagram.