Joe and Camilla in 2009.
When you only date other celebrity virgins, your circle of potential mates is very small. Just ask Tim Tebow, of the New York Jets sports kickers (I’m really knowledgeable about sports), who recently went semi-public with his rumored girlfriend, actress Camilla Belle. Camilla is one of those women far classier than I, who has supposedly gotten all the way into her mid-twenties with her virginity intact, so she’s the perfect match for Tim, who has very publicly sworn not to have sex until marriage. Because of god and religion and whatnot. (I’m also very knowledgeable about faith-based religions.) Aside from her B-list movie projects, you probably also recognize Camilla’s name because she was linked to another famous virgin — one Joe Jonas, of the famously virginal Jonas Brothers. The two of them began dating in October 2008 and spent nine blissful months knitting and baking and singing campfire songs to each other, or whatever it is that two people do with each other when they’re committed to not putting things in each others’ holes. (Obviously I know a lot about virginity as well.)
But like all chaste, weird things, that relationship had to end, and thank the blessed football gods that it did, because it left our dear Camilla open to respectful, Tebowian advances from our hero Timothy. They both separately attended the Met Costume Gala in May of this year, and it’s possible that that’s where they met. regardless, they were spotted on October 31st on a date that included bowling and a movie. Oh cool, so if I’m ever wondering what two virgins do on a date, it’s just middle school stuff. So they maybe also braid each others’ hair and do science fair projects together and sit next to each other in homeroom.
But good for these two. I’m so glad these two sexless creatures found each other. I just hope that Camilla has enough of a servant’s heart to keep Tim happy and healthy and in good fighting shape so he can win lots of those touchdowns that his fellow Jetplayers need so desperately to win that big cup at the end of their kicking season.
I…yeah, I’m sorry.