This is it, everybody. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart sat down side by side with MTV for their first big interview since the cheating scandal that rocked America and led every talk show host on television to try to fatten Rob up with sugary treats. Granted, I’d eat ice cream out of the carton with Jon Stewart in a heartbeat.
This is huge. This is the biggest interview since Jill Zarin scolded Andy Cohen for firing her. This is the interview that has been dancing through Twihards’ heads like sugar plums for months. This is like if Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie suddenly became friends again and gave an interview. This is historical.
This is… really awkward.
I don’t know why I would expect anything other than awkward, coming from the pair who constantly look like they’re about to throw up on each other onscreen. Somehow the interview becomes even more awkward because Taylor Lautner is sitting there next to them and he looks as excited as we are to hear what’s gonna go down.
What goes down is a desperate attempt to make things look normal. There’s more forced laughter than me when I trip over something on the sidewalk and make flailing bird arms to balance myself.
The exchange which really made me cringe is when the pair are asked about their onscreen sex scene in Breaking Dawn: Part 2 (video here). Kristen pulls the “I’ll let my man take care of this one” card, and Rob nervously, Britishly obliges. After making the weird comment that their vampire-on-vampire love is like a new “form of sexuality,” he goes on to pause for an uncomfortable amount of time, before comparing it to the pottery scene in Ghost.
Okay, Rob, I know you were put on the spot, but comparing your onscreen love-making with your newly forgiven girlfriend to one of the most famously sexy scenes in movie history is trying a little too hard. I personally don’t find that scene sexy, because thinking of all that clay on my fingers makes me hyperventilate, and it’s unfortunate that Patrick Swayze‘s character had to die in such an unfortunate shirt, but I know that a lot of other people like it. I liked it better when Rob was getting the nutritional content of cereals wrong. That’s the kind of (food-related) awkward I can handle.
To make things even more awkward, Kristen is extending the desperation into the entire Twilight press tour. According to People, she said she kept rings from the film, both the mood ring Bella’s mother gives her and the engagement ring from Edward, because they are “really, really extremely important to me. I love those things.” One “really” or “extremely” is good enough, Kristen.
I just hope the rest of Robsten’s interviews include Taylor sitting there grinning in a v-neck sweater. It’s the only thing that will make this press tour go down easier.