American Horror Story is quickly morphing from something I begrudgingly watch for work, to something I begrudgingly watch because I need to see what happens to the characters. Nympho Chloe Sevigny, Lesbian Reporter, Obviously Framed Murderer, Giant Lips Nun (as played by Jessica Lange)…I feel like I know them all! And so, without further ado, I give you: the ten most unintentionally hilarious parts of last night’s American Horror Story.
1. Adam Levine getting stabbed a bunch of times will never not be funny. My only regret is that I won’t get to see him suffer in future episodes.
2. There’s a storm brewing, just like in real life! Is that a CRAZY COINCIDENCE or what?!
3. “We’re all going to be together in the dark watching The Sign of the Cross, a movie full of fire, sex, and the death of Christians. What fun.” I love how uppity Young Nun is getting.
4. OMG HOW IS YOUR HAIR SO CUTE YOU LIVE IN AN ASYLUM
5. Dr. Mengele found a crazy advanced sentient robot inside of someone and assumed it was from the Stasi…or the Jews.
6. “Don’t let it go to waste, Doc, I’m all juicy.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.
“In, France I’d be celebrated [for being a slut].” This isn’t going on the list, but Chloe, you’re so right.
7. Is it just me, or does Big Lips Nun sound even more Boston-y than usual when having her public breakdown? Attention, Jessica Lange: Julianne Moore‘s 30 Rock character called and she wants her accent back.
8. “Where’s that goddamn Mexican?” Everyone on this show is so racist.
9. Dude put lipstick on the Virgin Mary statue just so he could scream at her and call her a whore? That is some serious substitution therapy, there.
10. Maybe I’m an asshole, but the image of a screaming, amputee Chloe Sevigny is kind of amusing to me. Think about the splash she’d make at parties!