Oh Halloween. Every year you outdo yourself, with more and more celebrities making me hang my head in shame and wonder about their choices. There’s always Kim Kardashian, who still manages to get a good healthy dose of bile in my throat every time she tweets a new picture of herself as a sexy leopard or a dirty little red riding hood or a slutty dinosaur. (That last one hasn’t happened yet, I just want it to.) But I’ve never before had the opportunity to be as disappointed with Emma Roberts as I am right now. Last night Emma went prancing about in her Halloween costume, which was a literal prostitute.
But don’t worry! It wasn’t just any prostitute! A specific one: Vivian Ward, from Pretty Woman. A part which you may recall was played by Emma’s aunt, Julia Roberts. She had the shirt that hooks into the skirt with the metal ring, the blond wig, the black thigh-high plastic boots…everything. Even the dazed, faintly drunken look in her eye. Now, to be fair, Emma Roberts is 21-years old. She’s not the little girl who starred in Nancy Drew anymore. But she was born in 1991, so my brain still thinks she’s five.
But let me tell you my problems with this. A. You’re dressed as a prostitute. Someone who sells her actual body for actual money. Halloween is for more nuanced portrayals — people dressed like prostitutes, not as prostitutes. It’s a fine line. B. You’re also dressed as your aunt. As a prostitute. That is weird. And C. Your aunt is Julia Roberts, so you’re fame-whoring in like every direction. In case anyone forgot you guys are related, you can just dress up like her. But she also played many other roles! Very few of them actual hookers! You could’ve been Tinker Bell from Hook, or Erin Brockovich, or even a Mystic Pizza! The boys would’ve loved that!
Or you could just continue to dress up like a baby hooker, which is clearly what you wanted in the first place. Sigh.
(Image: PacificCoastNews.com )